#2405 - Luis J Gomez & Big Jay Oakerson

[00:00] Yeah, well he's the nicest guy in the world. [00:16] That's part of the problem. No, he's very sweet, but it was like when they tell you the story of it, it was... [00:21] He was at a comedy club once and somebody in the audience made fun of him. He's like, I'm going to go to a place where no one upsets anybody ever. I'm going to make a place like that. And that was the Comedy Magic Club. Still, they would let us roll in there. They did stop Joey from doing shows there, though. Did they really? Because there's too many people that were normal people that would come in when Joey was opening for me. [00:42] You're eating her ass from behind. You're doing the pigeon when your nose goes in her asshole. People are like, no way. They let Tosh do whatever he wanted, I think. [00:51] And when they asked me to do spots there, like eventually when I went there, I was like, I kind of... [00:58] I don't know. It's a weird spot for me to do if it's a clean club. No, they're like, you could do your thing. Clean clubs are odd. [01:03] There used to be this place in Mount Vernon, New York, called the Champagne Comedy Club. It was like an all-black room, and the guy who ran it was like very Christian, very religious, and he was like, no motherfuckers. He goes, I don't want to hear no motherfuckers. He goes, you don't see that bitch had a big ass. You see, that woman had a wide behind. Like he had a whole speech he would give you before you would work there, what you would say. I've only tried to work clean a few times.

[01:33] I mean, one of the cleanest. Brilliant. You don't even know that he's clean until somebody points it out. Like Gaffigan. Like, same thing as Gaffigan. Nobody cares if he's clean. Gaffigan will curse once in a while. Nate, he's never said a curse word on microphone, ever. That's not true. I don't think so. No, he was hammered one night at New York Comedy Club. He called a lady a cunt immediately. He had to stop her boyfriend from attacking him. Was it on camera, though? [01:59] No. No. Oh, I mean, maybe like the in-house of the comedy club. Maybe. But, man, it was great. What a great viral video that would be. Oh, I wish that existed somewhere. We took him to a Korn concert. [02:09] He got... [02:10] obliterated and then that was i said where he like mr magood through a mosh pit like i've never seen somebody before i mean bodies flying all around him on a hill in mud and nate just walked through do you remember the story at all it was family values tour i remember yeah and he walks through and no like every no one hit him at all and then he just looks at us and gives a thumbs up and then he he sees this big muscly guy next to him he just goes and shoves that guy and then the [02:40] smiling and then [02:41] He demanded that we go to a spot in New York Comedy Club. He was at Skankfest one year. We do Josh Anemeyer's Goddamn Comedy Jam. And it's always very heavy metal at Skankfest. We all do metal songs. Tony sings System of a Down. J.O.S. does Slipknot. What song was it? [02:59] It was Slipknot, right? We were doing the Wall of Death. [03:02] Oh, no, no, no. It was break stuff. Limp Bizkit. Limp Bizkit, yeah. So there's a breakdown where the music is just playing, right? And Jay starts a wall of death. If you've never been to a heavy metal concert, essentially the entire floor splits open and it's just two walls of people just staring at each other, just ready. And then when the music drops, they all converge and just kill each other. There's great videos. There's videos of it.

[03:25] Rob Dukes from Exodus has one of the biggest ones ever. Yeah, Wall of Death. It's a great thing at a metal concert. So we did this at Stank Fest, and Nate's never been to a metal concert, so he's just hammered. This is when he was drinking. He's just bopping around in the middle of it. Everyone splits. [03:39] He's staying in the middle. [03:41] I'm doing the song, so I'm going at one point, off microphone, though, I'm just trying to go, I'm like, Nate, you know what? And he just keeps raising his beer. [03:51] That's hilarious. We couldn't interlude anymore. The bass player's fingers were going to start bleeding if he kept interluding, so we had to get to the end of the song. And then so I'm on microphone at that point. I'm like, Nate, move. [04:04] Nate, you gotta move. And he's just like, I'm good, buddy. I am moving, man. And we hit that, uh, break, break your fucking face. This audience convergent. And I remember just seeing Nate, like, I mean, like they smash in and Nate went like this. Like you just saw him like pop up and go back down to the pile. He was in there somewhere. But yeah, feeling no pain. Yeah. Who started the mosh pit? [04:27] That seems like one of the craziest elements in all of music. I'm going to give it to black people. Agreed upon. [04:36] We stole it. We stole most things from them. We stole it from them. Jazz, rock, the mosh pit. Rock and roll for sure. It had to be punk rock, right? Probably 70s. Like sex pistols. I wish I knew. I remember I was dating a girl when I was 20, 21, and she was really into these crazy bands.

[04:57] fucking concussion from a headbutt and then came over to my apartment afterwards I'm like why are you doing that sex pistols hell yeah sex pistols what is funny the difference in like [05:08] what like people that are like hardcore, [05:10] metal people would think of a band like Korn or Disturbed or bands like that, where it's like, those are the mosh pits more that I've been around in my life where... [05:18] There's almost like a... [05:20] The guy on stage is even making it soft. He's like, if a brother falls down, it's always like some kind of Valhalla speech. If a brother falls, you pick your brother up. You don't stop him. And it's all about like, you know, pulling each other off the ground and banging into each other. You kind of bump into each other. I went to a small show at the old knitting factory in Manhattan for a band. I forget what they were called, but it was like. [05:41] They stopped the show because the mosh pit, I was watching from above, but the mosh pit was like... [05:46] punch kick. Oh, people were getting that's like hardcore shows. Hardcore shows are it's like fist fighting. If you're a crazy person and you know how to fight and you just decide to go into a mosh pit because you could just start tuning up on people. I don't think you're so here's what happens. There's videos that go viral all the time. Like if there are guys that do that, they're just trying to hit people. Those guys will typically get jumped by everybody in the mosh pit because you're supposed to be punching and kicking, but you're not supposed to be actually targeting somebody with it. If an accident happens, it happens. [06:16] Yeah, but you'll see people get jumped. There'll be guys that are being dickheads in the mosh pit, and then everyone will beat the shit out of them because they're not... [06:23] violent the right way. Oh, I gotta tell you, it was maybe the funniest thing. What a weird agreement. It was the funniest concert experience I've ever had was with Louis at Pantera. We went to go see them. It was two times ago that we saw them. Yeah. At Madison Square Garden. Pantera's Love? You were just...

[06:41] Lewis was just having again some other I'll always call Lewis to go to a few years ago to a lot of concerts with me But like the nostalgic ones that'll hit him and [06:48] He'll go to... [06:49] sometimes so Pantera who always want to bring his sister and we go and he goes he's in a good mood he's feeling good and we're in our 40s so he's not looking to really get in the mosh pits or anything. Well the other thing about now like and it's a generational thing like Pantera when I first saw Pantera live OzFest 97. Scary. [07:05] Giant Stadium, the entire floor became a mosh pit. I was a kid. It was the scariest thing I'd ever seen. People started jumping over the rafters. There's videos of this, like jumping. [07:18] He's got a weapon. Jesus Christ, he's in a flashback right now. This is how your father got put down. See if we can find a video of that. People started jumping over the barriers, like from above at Giant Stadium and just spilling into the floor. The entire floor turns into a mosh pit. [07:34] 13 years old, 14 years old? Imagine you're working security at that place, and you're just a kind of retired guy who takes a security job. Oh, yeah. That's it. It's the worst. You have to go to the mosh pit. Pull people apart. You're 62. Hey, somebody get old Glenn from the front. We need more people in the pit. He used to work for some Long Island police station. No, security. This is literally it, dude. Ozfest, not in your eye. There's me. There's my sister.

[08:04] 99. Less rapey than Woodstock. 97. This is 97. [08:10] It's weird, too, because they're just playing for the field. [08:16] Like, everyone's just walking around. There's no seats. Oh, yeah, on the floor. Yeah, they're not. Like, that doesn't look like there's any seats there anywhere. Looks like everybody's just kind of jammed in there. The whole floor is standing room, and then there's seating in the stands. Oh, so you're a pussy if you're in the stands. That's why these people in the stands are hopping the fence right now. Bro, there is zero security in this joint. [08:40] Look how far these guys are jumping to. This is probably like the second or third Ozfest, maybe. Yeah, it's early. So it's like no one knew what to expect from this thing. It was Fear Factory, Marilyn Manson. [08:53] They tried to ban Marilyn Manson from this. This was like a big controversy on MTV. Why? Because he was the devil. Getting lost in those things. Yeah, I remember my ex-wife. She's the devil. They started a big fire riot when they were in Columbus. I think it was that year. [09:10] My ex-wife, on one of our earliest dates, I took her to... [09:13] Ozfest [09:14] Lawn seats. I was pretty proud that I got them for free. And we were in the middle of Lawn for Slipknot doing Spit It Out and got stuck in a thing where they make everybody get on the ground and you're locked in. [09:24] And then, again, the whole lawn turns into a crazy mosh pit. And if you're not like a metalhead, she's like a normal chick. She's like a comedy club waitress. She's not into Slipknot and devil music. No. So he brings her on a second date to this place, which is just. She was a Latina.

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[12:45] a moment for her. But when we went to see Pantera at the Garden... [12:49] We were right near the mosh pit. [12:51] and um [12:53] these two Mexican guys and two middle-aged white guys started getting into it. [12:58] And really, like, fighting. Like, they were throwing punches. [13:02] The white guys had a kid with them. [13:05] went and pulled people apart. He jumped in pretty early in it to pull them apart. I need to make sure justice is being served at all times. When I see something, whatever it is, if there's not justice happening, I've got to jump in. Yeah. [13:18] as a self-hating Hispanic, you were really rooting for those white guys. [13:23] But... [13:24] And then, I don't know, we could see... [13:27] Even though these guys got separated, you can see... [13:30] The Latino guys are fucking... [13:32] They're plotting. [13:34] They're not done yet. And we're just kind of [13:37] Semi observing it, but it really piqued Lewis's interest for some reason and he did a [13:42] I mean a mother of the neighborhood, like, walks. Did you walk the white guys over or the Hispanic guys over? I don't remember who I did, but I walked them together. Like arm, like wrist, hand and wrist like this. Goes, come on, guys, this is enough. And I'm watching from a distance these guys beating each other's face again. Lewis beat, you know. [13:59] Pantera is playing. I just see Lewis be like, come on. And making them hold hands and touching them hands. And made them shake hands. He made them shake hands. And I watched them reluctantly do it. [14:08] But it never changed. Lewis came back with a real sense of, like, I did something good there. But those guys never stopped glaring at each other the whole time. They probably kill each other in the parking lot afterwards. And then the guy comes over to Lewis.

[14:20] Towards the end of the thing, or maybe it was to me he just said it, but he came over and... [14:24] And I was like, are you guys all good? And he goes... [14:26] What the fuck was that, man? He's like, those guys fucking started shit with us, and then your friend made us shake hands with them? [14:34] There was no beef squash whatsoever, but Lewis, he really... But just the fact that you went over there, and he made them shake hands. They did it. But at least even if you just make someone shake hands, it de-escalates a little bit. [14:45] It definitely de-escalates more than there's no out. Because the problem with guys is when they don't feel like they have an out with dignity. [14:52] They just keep talking shit, and then they get themselves into a problem. There's an ego thing that happens where you're like, well, there has to be an end to this story. Exactly. And in my mind, when I'm angry, it has to be me beating your fucking ass. Or a guy comes in and makes you shake hands, and that's the end. And you avoid the violence. It's a logical end. The problem we're having now, especially if we go to these metal shows, is... [15:16] Lewis had a gripe with a guy at a concert, two concerts ago we went to, a real thing. Nine is Nails. Yeah, Nine is Nails. He's like, this fucking guy over here. And then Lewis was having a hard time letting it go. And then when it got, push came to shove near each other. It's like... [15:30] Security has come over. He goes, hey, that guy's like a fan of yours. [15:35] I can't freak out anymore. I do Rogan and Kilton. People know who I am, so I can't have public outbursts. Louis, since I was kind of almost like making us move so Louis would stop obsessing over dealing with the guy. Me and Louis share a lot of similar traits in that way. I'd do the same thing. So I'm like, we're going to move somewhere else. And as we're moving, Louis goes up to the guy in his ear and starts whispering in the guy's ear.

[16:00] You go, [16:01] nod his head yes [16:03] He's like, yeah. [16:04] Yeah, yeah. [16:05] They finally kind of get Lewis away, and I go, what did you say in his ear? He goes, a bunch of terrible, awful things that I was going to do to him. I go, he was just nodding yes. And then the security came over like 15 minutes later and was like, hey, that guy just went, you know, he's a fan. He's a fan of yours. And the security knew us, too. He was like, also, I love your guy's stuff, too. But that guy, I think, is also a fan. I lost a fan that day. That guy literally will never like my shit ever again. [16:29] Yeah, he fucked up. Yeah, it's all right. [16:32] Nine Ish Males is such not a tough It's not tough music It's like goth chick music All of us had mezcal running down our face Having these fights I'm going to punch you because my dad didn't care [16:46] Did you go to a lot of concerts growing up? Yeah. What kind of bands were you into? Were they crazy shows? I'm so much older than you guys. So when I was in high school was the 80s. So the first band I ever went to see live was the Jay Giles band. Nice. Yeah. Peter Wolfe? Na, na, na, na, na, na. Of course. Remember that? Yeah, of course. He was huge back then. And then I saw George Thorogood. I saw George Thorogood with some other dude. Oh, Johnny Winter. That's who it was. The albino dude. That is ugly motherfuckers. [17:16] Oh, my God. It was amazing. George Thorogood looks like fucking Rusty from European Vacation. [17:22] Does he look like that now? Is that what you're saying? Now I bet he looks terrible. No, back then, he always... He always... That really is music for, like, ginger guys to fix a car and do this to. George Thurgood. A Luke, man. It's a 1981 song. That's what it is. It's like a great song from 81. That's what he was. The speech? There he was. Bad to the bone. Nah, nah, nah, nah. The speech in the beginning of One Bourbon, One Shot, One Beer. Yeah. One of my favorite things. A Luke, man. Come down now. Yeah. Yeah.

[17:49] So, yeah, I did see a bunch of concerts when I was in high school. [17:53] Boston. Boston means big city for... [17:56] Shows yeah, but did you go as a kid? I feel I never went I [18:01] Well, I worked at a concert venue, too, for a while. I worked at Great Woods. Oh, yeah. So I was a security guard. And Great Woods was this performing – I think it's still around. Yeah. Amphitheater. Yeah, it's like an amphitheater. And the problem with that place is if anybody was talking on stage, you could only hear it underneath the thing. You couldn't hear it in the lawn. So, like, lyrics would bleed out into the lawn. Or, you know, someone doing comedy would bleed out into the lawn. [18:31] when comics performed there. Because you got tickets on the lawn, you couldn't understand what the fuck they were saying. It was just all this weird echo shit. I did comedy in front of Slipknot and Korn there, in that venue particularly. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw Dangerfield there when I was working there. I saw Bill Cosby there when I was working there. [18:51] The Cosby, I wasn't paying attention, though. I had no intention to be a comedian at the time. Oh, you got to pay attention to that guy. Well, I was 19 years old, and I just had no patience. [18:59] I had no intentions of ever being a comedian. Well, he would do like three hours, right? Like he would do like really, really long shows, but it was the same. It was always the same act, right? Yeah. Were they that long? Two and a half, I heard. Yeah. He was there, I believe. I'm trying to remember who else. Definitely. I paid to see Kinnis in there. [19:17] That was wild. [19:19] And then... Do you think people like Kinison...

[19:23] would have grown with the times no I [19:27] Thank you. [19:27] I think the Kennison, he would have had to sober up. And if he sobered up, I don't know if he'd be the same thing. He's like the best example of a guy. [19:36] who was maybe the greatest and most influential comedian ever. [19:42] of all time for like a year like when he came there was a moment when he was talking about like jesus on the cross you know i think his last words were oh not my left hand not my left you can help me if you get if you get the back of a hammer it was like a completely different kind of comedy the thing about homosexual necrophiliacs paying money to be with the freshest male customers you know going to the mortuaries and paying money that bit is [20:12] Holy shit, man. [20:15] It only lasted for a short window. And then the stuff after that, he was partying so much. The material was not anywhere near as good. It was all like the points weren't interesting. But do you think he had it in him to evolve? He would have had to fucking clean his act up, I think. I think what you're seeing is a guy, first of all, who develops his act over like 10 years before he makes it. And when he makes it, he's fucking good. I mean, he's like one of the best ever. [20:45] Then he has to come up with a whole new act in a year, but he's just doing coke and he's partying and he's hanging out with Bon Jovi. That's like what it is like with everybody. It's like everyone does their first like album or special and it's like a collection of everything for a decade or 15 years. And then it's like you're supposed to reproduce that every year or two after that. Like Bill Burr and Louis C.K. sort of created this standard of putting out a brand new hour every year or two, which is like almost ginger assholes. You heard it here first. Where's my camera?

[21:15] It was almost unsustainable to do it that way. Go to George Thorogood, you fucking rusty-looking piece of shit. The thing is, why do we care if that's what they want to do? Why don't we just do what we do? Why are we even comparing? Because when I show up back into another market a year later and I'm doing the same material, I feel like a fucking asshole. I do. [21:37] Well, you probably should, but you also probably should just go at your own pace. Some people want to think of a special as a special. Like, this is the best shit that I've come up with over the last five years or whatever. And some people want to think, no, it's just like keep releasing new comedy. But we all know that your jokes get better when you keep tuning them up. Of course. Right? And I think it's a certain amount of a cooking process that they all need. Well, it will just continue to get better. [22:07] work because it's not out yet so I've still been working the material. And now you've got new tags. It's the worst. It's the worst. It's the worst. It's the best tags. It's the best tags. And they're useless. Always. That's because you're more comfortable now. Yeah. I said your best recording recently. Your best recording of your hour is never going to be the hour you recorded. Yeah. Right. It's not going to be that one. Yeah. I remember when I did my last material special. [22:30] Dogbelly, it was like, man... [22:33] Really wish we could have gotten that 7 o'clock show on Friday in Buffalo. Buffalo Helium just ate it up. That's the show where you were done and I was like, [22:41] This is it. This is the rhythm of it, and this is the one. Yeah, it's like when there's something on the line, and it's like ready record. It's just a different thing. It's just like you do the live one. It's crazy. Yeah. But I did that because I was scared of it. How nerve-wracking was that? Oh, so weird. It was so much different. Was yours before or after Chris Rock's? After.

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[24:57] Yeah. [24:59] It's a weird thing, man, to just go ready, live, go to millions of people. It's a weird thing. But in my head, I was like, but why? Why is it any different than a show? Well, it's all you're mindfucking yourself. So what would prevent you from mindfucking yourself? Just go over your material with such a fine-tooth comb that when you get up on stage, you can be just loose and completely relaxed. You're not even thinking about where to go and how to do it. You're just thinking about locking in, and you're going to be live for an hour. [25:29] God, it's fucking terrifying. Let's see what that feels like. Did you fuck up anything that we don't know about? Nope. Felt exactly like a regular set. I did one set there Friday night that we filmed as well that didn't go live. And then the Saturday night one was completely live. And it was, you know, I had already done the room, so I was relaxed. I got a feel for the room, you know, because of Friday night. It was a lot of fun. The show was great. And I was like, okay, we're ready. And then Saturday, just all day, going over material, watching recordings. [25:59] my brain. [26:00] Thank you. [26:00] So I could just be completely relaxed when I went out there. So I was like 100% prepared as opposed to like a regular Tuesday night where you could just kind of go on stage. Like, you know, you know your acts. You know, you go on stage, you start opening up and get into your bits. But you're not like meticulously dialed in. I told Netflix that I would do it. [26:20] With crowd work. [26:21] live oh you totally should and they i mean they were they didn't respond to the email i said the same thing they responded they just like we don't want to get sued i told netflix i would do a feature film for them they just didn't get back to me ah bro they didn't have to see you one weekend they'd be like are you fucking crazy no i'd love that but again almost like what you're saying though to me it's like i'm not i'm not saying that i wouldn't be nervous i would be very nervous doing that that would be kind of the fun of it

[26:51] Yeah, it definitely made it a little more fun. [26:54] especially with it being crowd work, I was like, you'd see it kind of unfold. You know what I mean? Like you kind of see like the pacing and the build of it because I have to do it for an hour. It'd be interesting. Yeah. And you got to, that's one of the things like you have to be doing a lot of sets leading up to that too to be relaxed. Yeah. You know. They filmed, they secretly filmed. [27:13] Because I was filming on Saturday, and they filmed my Friday shows without telling me. Oh. And I fucking killed. And that was, like, the biggest, like, relief. Because Bobby Kelly directed it. And he was like, dude, we got it. He was like, we got the show. I was like, well, I thought they were just testing the cameras. He just wanted to go home. I think that's the one. Dude, you don't need me anymore. Dude, we got it. Dude. Dude, it's perfect. All set. Dude, you nailed it. Looks like we're all set. Yeah, but that was... Yeah, once you know you got it in the can, then it's lifted off of your back. Yeah. [27:42] What a weird fucking art form, you know? Very strange. Those are Dyson cigarettes. I know. [27:49] Unlit. Unlit broken. He just has these cigarettes and he just breaks them and puts them in there. Jay just quit smoking cigarettes, but he needs to smoke cigarettes on the podcast. I asked. I was like, I was like, I'm going to smoke now. I was like, why? He's like, it's like three hours, dude. And I was like, the hours are going to exist whether we're on a podcast or not. But other than that, you would quit smoking? Yeah, like stay loose though, you know? [28:10] When I came in... [28:12] When we did the show last time, [28:14] Two times ago at the end of the show, I was like, I've got to go smoke. [28:17] And Jamie went, you can smoke in here. I went, oh, really? He goes, yes. And then last time we came and I did smoke, and when I was done, I was like, oh, I'm going to smoke.

[28:24] Call it like wearing Lucky Underwear or something. I was like, we had a good flip back and forth. We were all giant. We made the Rogan Sphere. We did. [28:31] We officially got the Rogan Sphere. We've been repping hard out there in the streets. You should see us. We tell everyone. I get my credits. I go from the Bonfire, Legion of Skanks, and most notably, the Rogan Sphere. The Manosphere is a real subject. [28:44] Like people believe that it's real, that there's this like coalition of men like trying to convert young boys into the evil ways of being a man, the manosphere. I think that's the same thing as the Rogan sphere. No, the manosphere, it's like there's levels to it. I think you're saying it wrong. Like Andrew Tate's the highest level of the manosphere. Oh, right. Of course. That's top G of the manosphere. Of course. If you're like categorizing those things, the thing that you're most terrified of is a guy like Andrew Tate. [29:14] Young, like, Ukrainian girl. Yeah. [29:18] I've never been to that kind of, like, uh... [29:21] The Maxim Magazine, Spike TV, like energy of... [29:25] What they're like, this is what guys want to see. A car crash and a girl with big tips in a bikini. I had a Maxim magazine subscription, FHM. The thing about it is, yeah, you're right, but also it works. Why try to reinvent the wheel? No, it definitely works. I pulled myself out of that thing. I was like, this isn't my, like, getting a Maxim magazine, like, hometown thing. [29:44] chicks in their bikinis on my [29:46] These girls would never talk to me. I just have too much self-loathing to be into it. Dude, if you could make money. Here's fancy clothes. Well, I don't fit in those clothes. [29:53] Everything was just a bummer out of those magazines. So I would just get straight pornography.

[29:58] You can get those girls. No. Well, sometimes I'd always buy the three packs, and one of them would have to be like Jugs or Voluptuous Magazine. Oh, then in the middle, there's always one with a bunch of gross chicks? Or just straight trans. But I always believe when I was young, when I was young going through my dad's, I found my dad's porn collection. [30:19] and there was a couple of weirdies in there, like a couple of... [30:22] trans or like local personal ads. And as I got older and started buying the three packs, I was like, [30:28] Let's just believe that was the third one. He didn't know what it was. But then, why'd you keep it? Toss it. Dude, did you see that Don Lemon got in trouble because he said that Megyn Kelly looks trans? [30:42] It's just a strong jawline. Please Google this to find if this is true or we'll be in trouble. I don't want to get sued by Don Lemon. [30:50] He said clockable. Sora works. What did he say? The word was clockable is what I said. Clockable? Yeah. Just pull up the actual thing. But people were saying, oh, my God, like he's actually using you look trans as an insult. Do you know how crazy that is? [31:07] she doesn't outspoken l g b t q ally don lemon faces backlash after claiming meghan kelly looks trans oh it blew up in his face i see oh you know how funny that is oh didn't that happen with what's your name um aoc just she called she was making fun of somebody for being short some like other like dude and now everyone's like trashing her because she was like you can't make fun of short

[31:37] Lemon said he thought Kelly looked chopped. He said, I think she looks trans, Lemon said. In response, Lemon's co-host wrapped up the show saying, let's end on that note. [31:54] That's fantastic. Bro, that editor hates him. There's no way that editor doesn't hate him to say, let's end on that. Clockable is a hilarious thing to call a woman. That is so crazy. But that's, well, also he's gay, right? [32:07] and Kelly's hot. [32:08] dangerous like super smart lawyer hot. Is he out gay? I don't follow him. He's like an out gay guy. [32:16] Oh, yeah, yeah. Don Lemon's married to a guy. [32:18] Black guy? [32:19] I think he's married to a white guy. Yeah. You're not going to put a black guy in your butt. Jesus Christ. That's what they do. Are you sure? That's what gay sex is. I don't know. This is probably the first that this has permeated the Rogan sphere with gay sex. You think the manosphere would know something about this? So when I was a kid, when I was young, there was no online, obviously. And the first time I ever saw gay porn was a girl that I met at a comedy club. [32:49] club I was like 20 [32:51] two maybe, and we go back to her apartment in Long Island, and she goes... [32:57] gay guys lived here before me. And I go, how do you know? And she goes, because they left a tape. [33:04] I go... [33:05] A tape of what? She goes, it's a gay porn.

[33:09] I go, shut up. And she goes, you want to see it? I go, okay. [33:14] So she puts it on, and it's these two guys, and this guy pulls this guy's shorts down and pushes him up against a tree and just starts sucking his cock. [33:23] And... [33:24] I'm like, I got to get out of here. That's how it always works. That's enough for me. I already came. I was like, I didn't know that that really happened. [33:32] You know what I mean? It was weird, right? The first time, because I moved to New York City when I was 19, and you didn't really experience homosexuality until you were in a big city like that. And the first time I saw two guys, like, kissing, it looked like aliens. Like, it was the craziest thing ever. And now we're so desensitized to it because everything in the media. Well, because porn, we're so desensitized because so many people have seen porn. But, like, seeing gay porn when I was 20, I knew that they had sex. I didn't have a problem with that at all. [34:02] Yo! It's jarring, no doubt. I gotta get out of here! Yeah, it's definitely jarring. Can I take this tape with me? [34:11] That's disturbing. It was very disturbing. Yeah, I still... Anytime you see it, it's... [34:16] It just looks wrong. It looks like the wrong thing is happening. Oh, let's shut it off. Shut it off. I can't. They seem to have a fantastic time doing it. They seem to have a wonderful time. Some people like spicy food. Some people don't. You ever seen the movie Fright Night? [34:28] Probably. The old or 976 Evil, they were two like popular horror movies. I think I remember Fright Night. Fright Night, the one that played Evil Ed as best friend. [34:36] The kid's best friend. [34:38] When times got tough, did gay porn. Man, man.

[34:42] It was really hardcore. It was as jarring as, like I said, when China did pornography. You're like, damn, dude, this guy was not in this world. And then the girl from Boy Meets World does porn now. [34:53] aggressive black gangbang pornography. Gay porn? No, no, no. It's a girl. Oh, which girl? She was on later seasons of Boy Meets World. I think Maitland Ward, her name is. [35:04] She just does pornography now, but like... [35:07] Like a lot of it in her butt. [35:09] Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. [35:11] BBC. Thank you, Jay. It's an industry term. Jesus Christ. That's an industry term. Conversation took a dark turn. Big Black Hawk. Nice. Good work. Dark turn. [35:22] We'll be right back after these messages. I still watch porn here and there, but it's just gotten to the point where it just, every time I watch it and I start jerking off, I feel like... [35:32] This sense of like, almost like if somebody was watching me right now, how pathetic this would look. Yeah. Like you're beating your dick like a monkey. Somebody probably is watching you. Probably. Probably, yeah. There's probably someone's collecting information of you. [35:43] Of how I jerk off? Yeah, either through your front-facing camera or through the camera on your computer. Good thing that my facial recognition pictures are this. [35:57] Take that picture all you want. You're not going to get in any doors with that. We all kind of know it, right? We know that the cameras are on, but we still jerk off right in front of our computers. You know what's weird? You just put a piece of tape over it, and I'm like, let them see. [36:09] It's weird that porn is free basically. Like you just go on a website and you can watch it. But also they're still making it.

[36:19] Sort of. I think the studios are almost barely making anything anymore. It's all OnlyFans. But even that, just imagine, this is the thing. What I'm saying is, nobody's seen it all. Why are you making new ones? There's no way there's enough supply, or demand, rather, for the supply. There's so much porn. It is weird, though. I still will go back to my favorites, though. I was just going to say, but also, if you're pretty genre-specific, you will see them all eventually. [36:48] Everything. If you're genre-specific, that's such a good quote. Well, Lobster Tube takes me through it alphabetically, you see. Yeah, I'm fine. [36:55] AI porn is... not AI porn, VR porn. Oh, AI porn is coming, bro. Oh, AI porn is... You're going to be able to have Art Bell having sex with, you know... Me? Me? [37:06] You. Finally. Louis J. Gomez. They already did the... Remember, wasn't that all the... [37:12] Taylor Swift getting gangbanged by the Kansas City Chiefs. Oh, like the president smacking her ass? They have that already? Oh, yeah. Not gangbanged. They were very good AI pictures of Taylor, and she was just in a crowd. Taylor knows her. There's guys grabbing her ass. First-hand basis. It was her sitting on Trump's lap, and they were actually really good. And then Tay-Tay, they took some pictures of her. I call her Tay-Tay. Nice. [37:37] But no, I thought her getting fucked by the Chiefs. But I think it was funny. [37:42] and was like, everyone knows aren't me. Which is like, it's a funny acknowledgement to have to make. Guys, I didn't get gangbanged by the Kansas City Chiefs. Well, you know, some 15-year-old girls in school and her friends are like, yeah, it was real. She really did get gangbanged. You're like, you need Taylor to come out and say it, right? Hey, guys, it wasn't me. Everybody, that wasn't me. But isn't it crazy that it's that good now that you can't tell? I feel like you can tell. That's almost the thing. I don't think anymore, man. I think. I don't know why they can't figure it out.

[38:12] is like hands and fingers. This is an ad for BetterHelp. [38:16] With the days getting colder, shorter, and darker, it can be tough for many, and really, you never know what someone might be going through. So here's a reminder to take the time to reach out and connect with the people you care about, whether it's a sibling you see every week or a friend you haven't spoken to in months. You might... [38:33] be glad you did. And more often than not, you probably would be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner. I mean, it's easier than you think, reaching out and talking to someone. The same is true for therapy. Plus, therapy is a great place to start if you're struggling to connect with someone. It's good to have a professional therapist you can talk to who can guide you through any issues in your life. Finding the right therapist has also never been easier, thanks to BetterHelp. [39:03] worldwide and they do the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. It's one of many reasons why people continue to rate BetterHelp so highly. So this month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first [39:33] Well, it used to be hair, too. It used to be terrible at generating hair. It's like if you watch I Am Legend, like the CGI, it was terrible. Yeah. My mom used to have an I Am Legend poster on a bedroom wall that I assume she masturbated to. And then you'd forget the name of the movie all the time. Not I Am. Oh, I'm sorry. Not I Am Legend. I was thinking of Legends of the Fall. What? That's very different. It was Legends of the Fall. But I do have a legend tattoo because I forget the name of the movie I Am Legend all the time.

[40:03] being as normal looking as any 4K video. I don't think... I think they could just make it look... We're a couple years away from it being like straight up. You could generate a whole movie. No, but what generation... [40:15] is... [40:17] going to be genuinely into consuming and giving a shit about an AI-made movie. There's something about... I think they're going to. There's something still about... Didn't you even feel... [40:24] Sometimes I go back and watch a little bit older movies, and it's good. Thank God, like... [40:28] The Thing, the movie The Thing. John Carpenter. Kurt Russell, yeah. Thank God it was, like, practical effects time still. And it wasn't just, like, because now you're just watching a video game. Right. Think about that exact thing. You can't go back and watch. Like, if you try to watch Psycho now, right? Compared to, like, it's not scary. When Psycho came out, people were vomiting in the movie theater. And they were running out, like, freaking out. You get used to whatever it is. Like, my son can't watch a movie from the 80s, really. He, like, he can't hold his attention. Like, whatever. [40:58] As we're doing more and more AI content, people are going to get used to it, and that's what they're going to be used to consuming. It's like short videos. Everyone watches short 30-second, one-minute-long clips now. Nobody really watches TV shows or movies. [41:11] I mean, people are still watching movies, I think. But it's just like... Older people. [41:16] Maybe as I'm saying we might be the dying breed of giving a shit about that at all. So we'll be like, yeah, if you can get every star I love and to be in one movie, I'll watch it. If it's fake, I think you're definitely going to get people that accept that and you're going to be able to just generate it instantly with a prompt. You know, they're doing they do Star Wars scenes that never happened with young Luke Skywalker. Now, I've seen them. Yeah. Yeah.

[41:37] You've seen them, right? Yeah. Jimmy, put one up, just so we could look at it. It's fucking incredible. It looks better than the original Star Wars footage, right, because that stuff wasn't in HD back then. And it looks exactly like young Luke Skywalker in the exact same voice, because they just take the voice from Luke Skywalker from the movies, regenerate it, and it can say anything you want it to. It's better than animated stuff, but I've never even been able to follow when they like [42:02] Do animated versions. I think there's like an animated Predator movie coming out that I'll never watch. [42:06] Yeah, it's all just CGI, weird stuff. It's like that uncanny valley. Rick Baker talked about that. He's the guy that made the American Werewolf in London. Thriller. [42:16] Yeah, he made Thriller, too. The werewolf that's in the lobby. That's what that's from. And he said, when you're seeing something and you know that it's real... [42:25] You know it's a physical thing. He goes, it just looks better. Like when you're creating... [42:31] Everything with computers, your brain knows that. Your brain knows that's not really a dragon. Yeah. That's not really a dragon. But if you make something that actually looks like a dragon, it's going to be, even if it's darker and even if it's not as clear, it's going to be way more effective. Yeah. Like the alien movies. It's like when I watch a movie and I know somebody in the movie, like it's a friend of mine acting, it's hard for me to suspend disbelief. [42:53] Look at this.

[42:57] This is crazy. [43:00] There's a scene that never happened in any of the Star Wars movies, and you can generate it with a prompt. [43:09] I guess I would watch it. Yeah, you'd watch it, dude. Especially if it was good. What a heartfelt speech I just gave to turn around immediately when I saw it and go, [43:17] I'd watch a movie that looked like this. Yeah, look how good that looks. [43:22] And the Alien movies are a good example. You'd go and see Alien 1. It's a dude in a suit, okay? And there's something about the way it moves that it looks like a real thing. But then if you get to later movies, not necessarily even in the Alien genre, but any genre where you have CGI monsters running around, [43:47] It just doesn't... [43:49] No, it doesn't feel the same at all. You're just kind of accepting that this is happening. It doesn't look as fun. I think they had to use better cinematography and tricks and sound. They had to literally be perfect on everything in order to bring it to life, whereas now you can just computer generate anything. They also hid stuff, and it made it scary. The American Werewolf in London, one of the scariest things about it is you don't see the full werewolf. [44:13] for longer than like a second at a time ever. You just see it right before it's attacking people. You see it right when it's at the bottom of the escalator. You don't get a lot of, until later in the movie. I think in Jaws, right, they don't show the shark until the end, like the very end of the movie, you don't see the shark. Is that true? I think so, yeah. Do you know they show in the making, I used to watch the making of Michael Jackson's thriller a lot.

[44:35] More than once? [44:36] So much. I have a lot of fun facts. Rick Baker was the fucking man, dude. Rick Baker himself is in Thriller. He comes out of the mausoleum. He's the zombie that comes out of the mausoleum. The shark in Jaws is a total of about four minutes of screen time. [44:52] With the first full appearance not occurring until one hour and 21 minutes into the film. That's crazy. If you want to see something funny. It's all music. The tone is like, it's just all, the whole, everything scary about Jaws is just the music. Wow. Spielberg. More Jew lies. [45:10] More Jew lies, of course, Spielberg. What'd you say, Jamie? The dinosaurs and the first Jurassic Park are only on screen for like 15 minutes total. That was the best CGI ever up until that point. Oh, that was crazy. [45:22] Do you want to see them funny? Jamie, if you could bring up... [45:25] Michael Jackson filming... [45:28] like the audio... [45:29] While he's in like werewolf makeup of changing and they want to like scream, you know, he's growling So it's like the pain of changing into a werewolf and they just keep going back and forth. He's not officially were all right He's a cat isn't it was like the official statement from the director. Yeah, he's like a were cat or whatever he's doing while he's changing and [45:47] They keep bouncing back from the sound booth to the... [45:49] actual video where it's like he's changing oh and then in the booth he's going [45:54] it's so goddamn funny music videos used to be the shit when he said get away i jumped from the couch to a living yeah it scared the shit out of me because also i'm like michael jackson my hero yeah here that's rick baker

[46:19] That's on the studio part. [46:21] Can you find the scene in Thriller where he becomes a werecat or whatever the fuck he is? [46:29] Because it's not really a werewolf, right? It's like something else. I think they officially came out and said it was like a cat-like creature. Yeah. [46:36] I mean, it was such a good fucking video, man. Do you remember? It's earlier in this. It's earlier. [46:42] How old were you guys when this came out? This was before your time, right? This would have come out in like 88 maybe? Yeah, so you were a little kid. I was six. Yeah, I was in high school when this came out. I think it was when she's getting scared. I'm so sorry. I'm talking over. No, no worries. It's right there when he's changing, yeah. What year is this, Jamie? Jamie? [46:59] 85. [47:00] 83? Yeah. 83? Oh, wow. Wow. [47:04] Look at that thing. [47:05] Back up a little bit. [47:07] Yeah, here. [47:17] Thank you. [47:18] End slate. Excellent. [47:20] Wow. [47:23] Yeah, it's in this. Okay, we're going to do this metamorphosis on Michael Jackson. Rick Baker. Rick Baker. [47:28] As we live and breathe. [47:33] At first we had to paint out the rolling stone and all that. [47:35] It's like does that exist still like how would they create this sort of like image to even do this anymore? I [47:41] now got a wig on. He would. Full face. [47:43] foam rubber appliance we're gonna have bladders and a little neck

[47:57] yeah this was actually kinda shitty dude this is a shitty new to kids as Miley Cyrus punching her fucking pussy on the MTV Awards that one year did she punch her pussy? oh my god that my daughter... she punched it? my daughter was right in the wheelhouse of being a Hannah Montana fan [48:13] And then one year we were watching the MTV Awards, and she's like, Miley Cyrus. And she came out Robin Thicke, and she just kept her number one finger, and she keeps like ramming it in her snatch. And I was like, oh, hey. And then I became. [48:26] a Miley Cyrus fan. What was that? And my daughter was not allowed to be a fan anymore. [48:33] Yeah, that was like... [48:35] borderline good movie was a thriller yeah man like it's what it's like 20 minutes yeah that scene the transformation scene when he turns around his eyes look so good it's fucking amazing the uh it's so funny like [48:49] Michael Jackson is like the one guy who like, it's basically confirmed that he fucked kids. I don't think that's confirmed. [48:57] Is it not confirmed? Hold on, let's watch this. I definitely want to talk about it. Get away! [49:27] Meow.

[49:43] Ola Ray. The girl plays the girl. [49:47] Fun fact. You got him screaming? All array. Fun fact. Did it? [49:52] Playboy [49:53] For Bush. Wow. [49:56] Full bush. [49:58] It's funny because this is so corny today. [50:01] But back then it was like legitimately good. [50:03] We were like, wow, that looks so real. [50:07] People are so dumb in the 80s. We were like, that looks so real. Oh, it did. That's such a great meme, too. This whole scene where it goes from that to him being a zombie, fucking amazing, man. It was like a movie and a good one. [50:24] And he's dancing. It's looking so cool. I know we can't play the music. I really didn't think it was cool. Did you find the screaming at all, Jamie? I'm sorry, man. [50:33] Thank you. [50:35] Just scooch up to where he becomes a zombie. [50:42] Yeah. He's betrayed her twice in this video, by the way. I know. It's men. They're a real problem. [50:51] And then the message of this. Is that the most famous dance ever? Yeah. Maybe? It has to be. I used to do it for my great-grandmother, Selma Eisenstein. She didn't love it. There's probably some sort of conspiracy theory. But this part, though, I could still nail today. If there was more room in here. Jay, please. Yeah, if there was more room in here. [51:07] I want to see you do that part.

[51:13] Ah, shit. The thriller dance. I always thought that. [51:21] betrays her twice. In the movie, he lures her out when he knows it's going to be a full moon, turns into a werewolf and hunts her. It's about to be a third time, by the way. No, exactly. She goes for it. In two seconds, he goes, hey, what's going on? She goes, [51:32] Oh, I must be crazy. And then he fools her yet again. Third time. This chick, at this point, she deserves whatever she gets. That's how the devil works, Big J. Yeah. Look, right there. By the way... [51:42] inconsistency he doesn't turn back into the zombie [51:44] he's now going to be the werewolf from the movie. Weird. Yeah, it's a lot of different things. [51:50] They threw a lot at you. And then Vincent Price... [51:53] So he didn't fuck kids. So here's the thing. I don't want to confirm, but I'll tell you what. This is why. This is why I'm saying that. A lot of his words, they can dance good. [52:00] You know, the doctor that went to jail for providing him with that propofol, that doctor said that he was chemically castrated when he was young. [52:10] which is why he kept that voice. [52:12] which also kind of makes sense when you look at his physique, right? Because he was, like, very slight. And if you look at his brothers, they're all, like, way bigger guys. I don't know if the doctor is telling the truth, but if he was, that's not an unprecedented thing. They used to do that with opera singers. They used to do that with opera singers. It was called a castrata. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't think either that there's, like, anal sex accusations on him or stuff like that. [52:42] It was like sleeping together. It could be inappropriate behavior. First of all, he became famous when he was like six years old and became like the most famous person ever. Like, you're going to get fucked up. Yeah. It's like suspended. Yeah. You see that? Suspended childhood. With, you know, Britney Spears now. Yeah. And who else is the other one that's kind of going crazy? Oh, Ariana Grande. She's like, if you watch interviews with her now, she's going to be a wackadoodle, Michael Jackson, Britney Spears type in the future, guaranteed. She's like all like.

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[55:07] Zip Recruiter. She talks like a fairy. It's crazy. I saw that one with her, with the other lady from Wicked. And then there was a lesbian saying you guys are holding space. And everyone's like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? Who talks like this? It's fucking crazy. Did you see a lady? There was some backlash because a lady made... [55:28] like a mock-up, I guess the Wicked... [55:30] Playbill? Wicked is really good, by the way. The movie was great. The movie's amazing. Ariana Grande and that lady. But the Playbill... What's her name? [55:41] Wow. You knew Ariana Grande? No, no, no. [55:45] Wildly inappropriate. I call her Nose Ring Baldhead. [55:49] Oh, that's her Indian name. Me? I call her Nose Ring Baldhead. Oh, my God. But she... So the Playbill for the movie or the show on Broadway [56:00] Yes. [56:01] A silhouette. [56:03] of the [56:04] Wicked Witch and I guess Glenda like whispering in the ear, but like really covering the face. [56:09] her own face. In the movie poster, it's clearly Ariana Grande. [56:15] Whispering in the ear of the lady who plays a nose ring bald head. And then a lady made a mock-up of the movie poster as the playbill. So, like, shadowed out. [56:26] the [56:27] the witch and you know moved Ariana Grande's hand to like cover the face and it got all this backlash because that lady was like uh I'm a proud black woman you cover my face in this thing and she was like no I was just making it like and then she got all this backlash and she like removed the post eventually oh boy she had to like take it down for like a thing she was like I just thought it was a fun mock-up to make the movie poster look like the playbill and it's like once again putting a black woman in the background I don't know if that's what was going on there yeah come

[56:57] Well, here's the thing. This ain't the way you're supposed to act nose ring bald head. Everyone loves the movie. In order for you to act in that style as well as they did, you've got to be a little crazy. You're going to pretend you're a fucking witch and you're flying around destroying everything. [57:12] and you're doing it really well, you're probably a little Kuki. And if you want that talented, you're going to get Kuki. And if you give Kuki the reins to... [57:20] You know, to do those kooky interviews where they're talking about holding space and like let him. Well, that was kind of like we grew up at a time where it's like you'd hear about like a director like coming in and like – [57:30] assaulting an actress in order to get the scene out of her. He punched her in the face. He was like, all right, action. And it's like Steve McQueen. And Steve McQueen did that. Yeah, dude. To whatever, the woman he was dating in that movie. There's a scene where she didn't know that he was going to hit her, and he just starts smacking her around. And it's, what was her name? Allie? [57:52] Ali McGraw. Oh, yeah. And I think they were dating at the time. [57:55] And he smacks the shit out of her, like for real, for real. To get the shot? Yeah. [58:01] and I don't think she knew. Look at this. She used to turn up in Celebrity Sleuth magazine when I was younger. Big nips. Bro, he's really slapping her. This is real. [58:12] And so she's actually really freaking out because he just beat her in front of the cameras. This is acting. This is why I want to become an actor. [58:21] Was that translated in Russia? [58:25] it's like a famous scene like uh it's like russian

[58:31] The little kid who's like crying on the porch? In Russia, there's a story of triumph. Hold on a second. I was like, why do those slaps sound fake? [58:40] He gave a Russian version of it. Dub sound, too. That sound was terrible. It was like you hit a wooden box with a bat. [58:50] Jesus Christ, but yeah, he smacked the shit out of her for real in that scene. There was the scene where I don't know what movie was but as a little kid who's crying on a porch and [58:58] And the director told the kid that their parents were dead or something. Maybe they told him that their pet was dead or whatever to get the kid crying. But it's like, that was great movie making. That was real. [59:09] Yeah, that's the Stanley Kubrick and... [59:13] What's her name? The one who played Wendy in The Shining. [59:16] Was she ever naked in anything? Shelly Duvall? Shelly Duvall. No, no, nobody would see her naked. [59:20] He would be shitty to her to get her all frazzled. Really? She talked about it famously in interviews. She didn't like it at all. She doesn't look back on it like, oh, we had to do it to get the movie. She was like, I think he's a bad person. Jesus Christ. Didn't she retire? She was like, did a few more movies and like, fuck this. Yeah. Basically, you could play olive oil or scared lady who lives in a tucked away winter hotel. Yeah, I just saw her in something recently. Did she die recently? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she's, yeah, she's like a crazy old woman now. [59:50] Missing a tooth. Oh, boy. Yeah, it wasn't good. Poor women. We just get better with age. Women fall apart. Especially in that business. [59:58] That business. It's like only a certain number of jobs for old ladies, and Faye Dunaway takes all of them. Wise, isn't it interesting? I'm trying to think of like...

[1:00:08] The most contemporary I could think of, like change and seeing somebody go from like... [1:00:12] can do no wrong gorgeous to like, [1:00:14] a lady. [1:00:15] That was Pam Anderson. Yeah. No, she's doing a good job at it. Like Meryl Streep. No, no, she's actually doing a great job. But there was an out-of-the-limelight for a while and then showing back up major difference in her looks. Right. Right. [1:00:29] Well, she gave up on makeup. But she left the public spotlight like Kid Rock's girlfriend and then came back like a grandmother. Age-appropriate. Yeah, yeah. I think they should be age-appropriate. You see, like, Dolly Parton now, and she still looks like she's 35 years old. Oh, really? Yeah, it's crazy. She's dressing like she's 35. No, of course. But it's like she's still stuck in this sort of big hair and makeup and big fat titties. She comes from fucking... [1:00:56] way, like 60s and shit. You're 104 years old. Just get old already. Well, I think the thing is, if you're a woman and you a lot of... [1:01:06] Like the value that you bring to a conversation is that you're unbelievably beautiful. Like people are excited to talk to you. And then whatever else you have to say is just a bonus on top of it. [1:01:18] But if you're really hot, people just want to talk to you. And then you get to a point in your life where that just stops. So like your life's focus has been about being attractive, looking great, you know, being really fit, looking hot. So you walk in the room, oh, my God, look at her. She's a firecracker. And then that just stops. [1:01:36] Goes away and if your whole life is based on just that one thing and you don't pivot to something else like okay, let's just find a hobby

[1:01:45] Let's just try not to be hot at 80, you know, did you see the substance? That's got the substance. Yeah, that was great great movie, but it's so funny like a [1:01:56] Whatever the message of the movie was, what got me was by the end of it, [1:01:59] Like she wasn't bad-looking at all. You know, she looked really great for her age, but still just didn't want that at all. Just a few ladies who age gracefully like Julia Roberts is aging gracefully. [1:02:10] Yeah, I haven't seen her in a minute. Meryl Streep, she aged gracefully. [1:02:14] It's just... Helen Mirren? But then you look over at... [1:02:20] Uh... [1:02:20] Kris Kardashian or... [1:02:23] What do we call her? No. Yeah, Kris Kardashian. They're getting like... [1:02:26] Well, apparently there's a new surgery that fixes your shitty surgery in Hollywood. [1:02:32] So she looks good again. That's what they did to her? She looks like good, right? Yes. And that's a big change. And everybody's freaking out. Oh, my God, she's got a new head. And all these other ladies want a new head, too. Yeah, of course. Have you seen the difference? I haven't seen this one, but I know the daughters. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This one's crazy. This is the craziest one. She looks new head. She looks like a sister. She's got a new head. She looks like one of the sisters. Kelly Osbourne. Kelly Osbourne has a new head. [1:02:57] Kelly Osborne is a new human being, because I just saw an interview with her after her dad died. Yeah. She's like literally just like a hot chick now. She was a frumpy, square-bodied British chick her whole life. She looked like you. I thought she was cute. I thought she was a little cuter than you. I thought I could get her. But yeah, she looks like a totally new human being. Yeah, completely new. Yeah.

[1:03:19] Bye. [1:03:20] What were you looking up? Kris Jenner. Kris Jenner. [1:03:23] I want to know how old she is as well. [1:03:28] So when you look at those kind of results, you're like, okay, now I get it. [1:03:34] Now I get it. Because before I was like – [1:03:37] You guys have to perfect this before you turn everybody into a lizard. Yeah. You're doing a weird thing. So this is what she looks like now. [1:03:45] He looks great. What are you talking about? This can't be real. I have no. First of all, I want to know who took this picture and where did you get your camera? What filters are you using? Is that a filterless photo? Because that's insane. [1:03:59] Yeah, she looked great. She looks insanely good. How old is she? A thousand years old. 69? Yep. [1:04:06] Toit. See, like, that's incredible. Whatever that doctor did, [1:04:10] Thank you. [1:04:11] Yeah, if you're that rich, you know, what's that weird thing? But the average person can't afford this type of surgery. Listen, Captain Blue Collar, settle down. Now they're doing their thing. Settle the fuck down. We're working with science here, not equity. How about the chicks taking the pads out of their cheeks? Oh, Jesus, don't do that, ladies. Yeah. Crazy looking. What is it called? Crazy idea. Buckle fat. What is it called? [1:04:34] I think so. Ugh. Buckle, yeah. It sounds like something so scary to do. God damn it. [1:04:40] Yeah. It takes fucking shit out of your face. See, like, but most plastic surgeries say, oh, that doesn't look better. [1:04:46] But with Kris Jenner, that looks better. I think this is a specific thing that's happened. There's some new surgery that's doing. It's a correcting shitty surgery. And a few people you can see are weirdly looking better now. Maybe Nicole Kidman got fixed up a little bit.

[1:04:59] Yeah, bro, who knows what they're doing. Dude, I'm going to get fucking fake abs. If you do. You see those, the ab implants? Yeah. I've always said, I crowd source it. My audience will pay for it. I'll get a fat ass. Most of what they're doing is they're sucking out the fat in between the ab muscles to make them look like it's sculpted. Oh, really? It's lipo around the ab? It's a big natural implant. No, what it really actually is is fat rolls. They just fucking... Right? Sort of, right? No, no. Some people can get implants. [1:05:29] Do you know about that guy? Mm-hmm. Oh, he's had like a ton of implants all over his shoulders and his arms. He looks crazy. Yeah. Legitimately crazy. I think maybe some people are doing with their abs. What a lot of people are doing is just a liposuction sculpture. Yeah. Etching. That's what they call it. It's so funny. It's like, oh, you get all these things now for like... Because women have had like Spanx forever and like just body shaping like things to wear under their clothes. And they'll like... They'll advertise them for dudes. I don't know if I could wear... [1:05:57] like spanks to suck in my body i cannot possibly dream of a situation taking my clothes off in front of a woman and her having to watch me like spill out of a shirt on my like with every like inch i take off like things just like start expanding so i got like i'm vacuum sealed i have really bad posture right and there's a few things that i've gotten to help with my posture one of them is like a thing that you stick to your back and if you lean down a little bit it buzzes and you you

[1:06:27] was a harness. A harness, it essentially-- - Oh my god, it's all like a dog stuff. It's-- - I go up to a run around back, and then I can zoom all around with no fear of getting hit by a car. - He's got a fucking collar that doesn't let him leave his yard. Zap! - Every time I slouch, I get shocked. No, there's a harness that you wear-- [1:06:47] and it pulls your shoulders back like this, right? I've seen that. Yeah, yeah. But I got that, and I was like, this one is actually pretty good because it corrects your posture naturally. And I remember I went on a date with a girl, and I hugged her, and she goes... [1:06:57] are you wearing a bra? [1:07:01] And I was like, oh, I'd rather have shitty posture than be accused of wearing a bra by a woman. Oh, that's hilarious. That's so funny. Are you wearing a bra? Did you break off of a school trip where you were connected to other kids? Oh, my God. Yeah. Just guys. There's nothing. It's like being bald and wearing a hat. Like, girls don't. They'd rather you just be bald. Women don't want an unconfident man. [1:07:27] give a shit about women's confidence as much, I guess. But there's a hat. [1:07:30] reek of lack of confidence? If you're a bald guy who wears a hat all the time? Yeah, but a hat is a look, I think, almost. Yeah, but the hat also, as a bald guy, a hat will cover up your baldness. I used to wear a hat in the beginning because I was going bald when I was, like, 19. I was going to say, wearing a hat because you're going bald, you're starting to see the pattern. But if you shave your head down, a hat's just, like, a look. Right, right. If you shave your head down, if you already have a shaved head. But wearing it to hide, like, receding hair. Yeah, when I was, like, 19, I started going bald,

[1:08:00] all the time before I started shaving my head down I've seen that before, somebody who wears a hat as like their look and then one day they take it off and they look like fucking riffraff from Rocky Horror apparently there's a new drug, where's the drug developed, was it [1:08:15] Was it Taiwan? There's some country developed a drug that's regrowing hair. Like... [1:08:21] They put it on bald mice, and they demonstrated you could put it on a square area. Let's do it, Joe. The mice's body. I think I like being bald. Oh, here we go. The lie is dark. Even if it grew back, I'd keep it super short. I'd just keep it stubble. [1:08:36] Let's see. 20 days it grows it back? [1:08:39] 20 days raising questions about what finding means for the treatment of human baldness But if I had a fucked up looking head like if I had a flat head, I definitely want some hair back there. Like you back that article for a second There's a certain look that doesn't work with a seen that crazy look they grew like a square a [1:08:57] What boat do you want to see? [1:08:59] Um, let me just see if it was something... [1:09:04] Oh, it was a doctor. That's what it was. This guy may have figured out how to regrow hair in people's life. [1:09:12] And still, as Americans, we can't just, we're not going to learn Dr. Sung-Yong. We have to call him Jerry. We call him Jerry because it's American. Sung-Yong, what? Oh, Jerry. Jerry. Yeah, he solved baldness. Learn his name. [1:09:28] Yeah, that is funny.

[1:09:31] Yeah, I would, uh, I just look better bald. When I had hair, it was like kind of nappy and kinky and fucking, yeah, it wasn't good. You'd like to try again, though. [1:09:39] I mean... [1:09:41] Just for the story and the hilarity of growing my hair back, that's fucking... Look how hilariously handsome I look. [1:09:49] No, look, it's a bit. Guys, ha, ha, ha. Oh, my God. Guys, I put keratin in it. Isn't that funny? It shimmers in the light. You can get a mohawk and spike it up with wax. I try to do a mohawk. It'd be fun to have options. In the sixth grade, I tried to do a mohawk. I did two gay haircuts in the sixth grade. My mom was in hairdressing school, so she didn't know how to cut hair yet. [1:10:11] practicing on me. And the one was a Mohawk that went like, it was just not straight down the side of my head like this. And then the other one was... [1:10:19] Remember Tong Po, how he had the braid in the back of his head? Yuri Prohaska had that for a while. Yeah, he did. Yeah, Yuri had that. So I saw that. I was like, dude, that's really cool. I was like, what I want to do, though, because my hair was long, I was like, I want to have the braid in the front. [1:10:33] Like that. Like long. That was the idea. And in my mind, though, eventually I would go long enough that I would attach a sword. A blade to it. Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no. Like a weapon would be my head. I'm Louis J. Gomes. The J is for flying guillotine. [1:10:49] And I remember I had my mom shave my head down except for this one spot. And then my hair, it wasn't really long enough to braid, and it was very poofy. So my hair was just a poof ball right on the front of my head like this. Because you were going to go your tongue poof.

[1:11:03] grow my tongue-po thing and the for I showed up in the sixth grade and this kid Paul Tomonti was like bro your hair is gay and you're not gonna be part of the Lu Tang clan I just started punching him because there was nothing else I could do because I knew he was 100% right and how much time did you give yourself to grow something long enough where you could actually use it as a weapon rather than just scrape across your forehead because let's get it's got to grow [1:11:28] If you're going to really make and you're going to put a blade on the end of it. I was in the sixth grade. In my mind, by the time I got to the tenth grade, it would be perfect blade height. Wow, dude. That's patience. Were you going to train with it or were you just going to hope that when time comes, you know how to cut people with it? You don't need to train for something like that. I say just hook it up and let it fly. It's in your jeans, bro. I used to doodle characters and I used to doodle myself as this Asian superhero with fucking a blade braid. [1:11:58] Chase Killa took lessons? No, dude. He just lived it. Those kung fu movies, when I was a kid, like, we used to go to Chinatown and watch kung fu movies. There was kung fu theaters where you could go watch them, and it was... [1:12:09] those kind of movies are the most unrealistic fight movies in the history of fight movies. Dancing. Weird how they decided that that was going to be like a fight in a movie. That doesn't look like any kind of fight in any real situation. Like a mosh pit at a Pantera show. That's what a fight looks like. It was like... [1:12:31] Bruce Lee was applicable. Yeah, but Bruce Lee was very different than those Chinese Kung Fu movies. Bruce Lee was just a martial artist fucking people up. Those Chinese Kung Fu movies, it was like, ha, ha, ha, he, ha. Well, they're just starting in positions. Why would you even start like that? You would convince yourself that you could beat up five guys at once. You'd be like, all right, I got it. I just have to make sure that I have... Oh, your stance was everything, dude. When Tekken came out, you were like, oh, if I ever get on Street Fighter now, I'm going full Eddie Gordo.

[1:13:01] uh, [1:13:01] Hands down by my side dancing. Yeah, but I'm not away. But there's like a weird tongue-in-cheek aspect to Chinese Kung Fu movies. Like, they're kind of serious, but kind of not, because everybody knows it wouldn't really work like that. [1:13:14] You know, they're the only ones that had that. Like all other – like you never see like a western with like a kind of a corny choreographed fight scene between guys in a bar. They didn't get fighting in movies until – India does it a lot. Until recently, they didn't really nail fighting in movies, right? Because like boxing movies, even to this day, it really doesn't look real. I tell you who did it well is Daniel Day-Lewis in that movie The Fighter. [1:13:39] He did it well. He did it well. And he actually trained as a boxer for a full year before the film. Like, obsessed. The fight? Not the fighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about the IRA guy that was in jail, that gets out of jail. What is it called? Is that what it's called, Jamie? The fighters, I think, that's the Mickey Ward one. [1:13:55] Okay, which one is the... [1:13:57] The Boxer? Is that what it's called? What's the Daniel Day-Lewis movie? [1:14:00] Lincoln. Lincoln. It was Lincoln you're thinking of. My left foot. Yeah. [1:14:07] It is the boxer. Okay. So in the boxer, he plays his IRA guy. But it was an IRA guy, right? Either way. [1:14:13] Looks very realistic. Looks realistic. Like the movement is real. The hand speed is real. It's like they're really hitting each other. It looks like a guy who's actually boxing versus a choreographed bunch of movements. You know, like a guy who's like... It looks... [1:14:31] like legitimate. This episode is brought to you by Uber Eats. This summer soccer is here and the watch parties will be going back to back to back. But don't worry. Uber Eats has your game day essentials covered with 30% off all orders from Aldi, Kroger and Dollar General. All the snacks and groceries to keep your crowd happy delivered straight to your door like chips, dips, wings,

[1:15:01] so you can stay locked in on the game, all the hosting, none of the hassle. Order now for 30% off your game day snacks and grocery order only on Uber Eats for a limited time. Offer eligible for 30% off entire order. Taxes, fees, and terms apply. Offer valid through July 5th. Product availability varies by region. Exclusions may apply. This episode is brought to you by Chime. [1:15:31] J.D. Power just ranked them the number one choice for new bank accounts in America. And that's not a small thing. That means real people, millions of them, are choosing this over traditional banks. That's because banking at Chime is fee-free. No monthly fees, no overdraft fees, and thousands of free ATMs. But here's the real kicker. If you get their Chime card, it gives you 5% cash back on a category that you actually pick yourself. [1:16:00] Your savings rate, nine times the national average. That's crazy high. Go to chime.com slash Rogan. Takes a few minutes to sign up. Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime card provided by Chime's bank partners. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for more details. [1:16:27] Thank you. [1:16:29] That's why I lost so much. Yeah, this is him in here. I modeled my game after Clubber Lang. Look how he throws punches, man. I mean, you would think that this dude actually knows how to box. I mean, this looks like an actual boxing match. Yeah, it looks good. It looks good, man.

[1:16:42] You can tell when a guy's throwing punches at full speed. Sylvester Stallone did train boxing, though, for Rocky, right? Yes. Look, Sylvester Stallone knows how to box, sure, but this is different. The movie, though, is not good boxing. This is much more like an actual boxer moves. What Sylvester Stallone did was make it very exciting, right? And so it didn't have to be as realistic as it had to be just spectacular footage to make Rocky win and all that good stuff. And it was fun. This is different. [1:17:12] Because this looks like an actual fight would look. Yeah, they did it good in, what's the MMA movie? The Warrior. Warrior. Roadhouse, starring Conor McGregor. You love that. [1:17:27] That's movie fighting. [1:17:30] The first one was awesome. [1:17:32] I didn't see the second Roadhouse. I haven't seen the Conor McGregor one yet. What? I haven't seen it. Oh, no. He just showed up as Conor McGregor on Coke every day. Can I explain something? It's a smart move. Let me tell you the problem with this movie. Stick with your strengths. You know the first film well, I guess. Yes. Oh, yeah. Me too. Very well. [1:17:48] It takes place in Missouri, where I believe this could happen. A weird old man can take over the town with a monster truck and [1:17:57] and serve up his own brand of justice until you get Patrick Swayze to come to town and be the bouncer for the whole neighborhood. [1:18:03] I bought that. Do you know the bad guy... [1:18:07] in this movie was like a mafia guy, basically, shaking everybody down for money. Right. The problem... Do you watch the new one? Yeah, yeah. The problem, do you remember, of the new one, it takes place in... Florida. Key West, Florida. And the big bad man is offering this lady...

[1:18:23] triple market value to buy her shanty shithole bar because they're building a resort and will offer her the property a mile down the road that's who the bad guys are that's what you're supposed to get behind him stop real estate developers that's it no and then legitimate real estate developers and then that sounds like a good deal and then quietly on the back and they go oh [1:18:44] They're also bringing in drugs. That has nothing to do with the real bar bouncer issue that Roadhouse is supposed to be about. Yeah. It was so stupid. [1:18:53] Yeah, it was bad. And then Conor McGregor. How weird. I wonder why they made that choice. I don't know. Well, it was going to be Ronda Rousey at first. Remember that? That was a long time ago, right? That was crazy. I think that was... Dude, if I showed up and there was a female bouncer at a place, I would start a fight just to see what would happen. [1:19:09] this is the fight scene kick me out princess what are you gonna do hey how about when you choke me out then you gotta get my fucking body out of here then what princess you call your princess he breaks your shoulder yeah [1:19:24] The problem with me watching Jake Lillenhall and Conor McGregor in a fight scene is, [1:19:30] That's still... It's Conor McGregor. Yeah, yeah. You want me to suspend so much disbelief? Yeah. You want me to think that Jake Gyllenhaal is going to fuck up Conor McGregor? I believe that Conor McGregor would lose to Patrick Swayze, Dalton. Well, pain don't hurt. He would have seen him coming a mile away. Left boob. Oh, man, that movie was fun. It was a fun movie because it's so kooky. It's so like... He is now...

[1:19:56] culpable of two three-finger throat-rip deaths. [1:20:00] Twice he's done that now. That's his move. The improbable twice. How he gets them to leave that neck so exposed so he can think about it. And then he snatches it. And by the way, [1:20:10] talked himself out of killing yet a third at the end of the film. That was the funniest thing. To have a guy pinned down on a couch [1:20:17] and you're on top of them. [1:20:18] You'd assume the move is going to be the fist up in the air. He three fingers him up in the air. He's threatening him with the claw. [1:20:25] Doesn't do it, though. [1:20:28] Also, the other suspension of disbelief, if you recall, is that the hardest fight he has is against the old man at the end. The old man gives him a good run. Ben Gazzara. It's so funny because it's rare in street fights that you see people throw kicks. But when you see somebody throw an actual spinning kick in a street fight, it's the coolest thing ever. Oh, the kick to take away the gun! [1:20:50] Ugh. [1:20:51] And now she's like, you're an animal, dude. Oh. [1:20:55] I feel like the kick into the water was unnecessary. You already have his throat. Now you've got to kick him in the water. I know. I said I would never use the garden hoe again. I promised. The garden hoe. [1:21:06] The eagle claw. I mean, that is a crazy... [1:21:09] Who wrote that into the script? It's his move. Take his throat. It's his finisher. It would be like, for somebody who knows how to, like, you really know how to fight, you could actually murder somebody with your bare hands. But I think about, like, for somebody who doesn't know how to fight, like me or Jay, how long it would take me to murder Big Jay with my bare hand. Just a lot of things like, while you're trying to choke me, I'd be like, eventually just being able to be like...

[1:21:32] I'm tired. I'm covered in blood. I'm going to sweat. He won't fucking die. [1:21:39] He was a mob guy in Whitey Bulger's organized crime organization. He wound up going to jail for murder. [1:21:47] And he was a guy who used to, he was like a fucking hit man. And he would train at the same Taekwondo school as me. And I was teaching that guy private lessons. And he was like. Well, don't feel bad. He wasn't killing them with Taekwondo. Oh, he definitely wasn't. But he wanted to be able to. [1:22:01] He wanted to be able to. He was getting tired of guns. He goes, if you were going to kill somebody by hitting them, where would you hit them? [1:22:08] And I was like... [1:22:09] I guess in the neck. He's like, yeah. [1:22:12] I was like, okay. I was like 16. Am I an accessory? I was like 16 years old. I was like, okay. Is that where you would hit to this day? Do you agree with 16-year-old Joe Rogan? Is that where you hit them? No, I don't know why I told them the neck, probably because I didn't have a good answer. I would say stomp their, I would say knock them unconscious and then stomp them to death. Their head. Yeah. Yeah. If you wanted to kill somebody with your bare hands and feet, that's the best way to do it. Well, just choke them until. Choke them unconscious. And then keep choking. And then keep choking. [1:22:42] Under the armpit that shuts you off like a light switch. The chakra. Yeah. [1:22:45] Yeah. [1:22:47] Soul sucker, I call it. You know, it's just... [1:22:53] Any kind of like physical conflict is a weird thing, but I think the biggest problem with physical conflict is like most people have never done it and they... [1:23:01] They're scared of it, and then they puff their chest out, and they act ridiculous. I've done it a lot, and I'm scared of it. I've never done it trained or well. It's like street stuff, and I'm still terrified. So many guys talk themselves into a fucking terrible beating for no reason. It's just because they think they're in a movie or something. They think they have to say something back. Well, I mean, the street out here keeps WorldStarHipHop alive. Sixth Street. I mean, it is... Yeah. I'll tell you what, I feel like it's a lucky thing down here that like...

[1:23:30] Thank God it's a lot of people who don't know how to fight. Those fights really don't go like, people get knocked down and shit all the time, but they're wild swings. Most people don't know how to fight, so that's sort of like the great equalizer. If everyone knew how to fight, nobody would be fighting. Well, I think it's the people that can don't find themselves getting in or avoid those situations. People, they're more respectful. They don't need to prove anything. It's also to learn how to do that, you've got to get your ass kicked a lot for many years. And you start to understand exactly how little you know how to fight in the beginning. It's like open mic in comedy. You're like, oh, I suck. [1:24:00] once you actually, like, go and train. But, yeah, I mean, the amount of people that, like... [1:24:07] that know how to fight, just typically there's just nothing to prove. Like, before I ever trained anything at all, it was like, in my mind, I was like, I had to be tough. And I had to, like, go prove that I was the toughest guy. Like, if I was in a bar, I'd be like, dude, I could beat up anybody in this bar. I couldn't beat up anybody. I was a fat fucking goth kid. But, like... But you also... [1:24:28] had to walk the New York streets by you kind of have to [1:24:32] fill yourself with some kind of like, I'm not the guy. [1:24:34] I'm not the guy that you go for or that you walk around looking terrified. Well, you're a big dude. That helps. Yeah, I'm a big Latino guy, and I think that, like, that... You can scare people off just with a little attitude. Yeah. Good defense mechanism. Just bark. You put that knife in your hair. It's like a Labrador retriever that barks at you. Like, bitch, you ain't going to bite me. I know what you are. I mean, if he had a braid blade, he would fucking... Oh, my God. He'd stab yourself right in the neck. He would whip around your head and stab you right in the neck. It would be your first time doing it. And then your back?

[1:25:04] practice. [1:25:28] Oh, my God. My braid blade is so stupid. Yeah, that's so stupid. Yeah. Oh, God. Is it bad? Oh. [1:25:38] That's why kids can't vote. That's why you don't let an eight-year-old vote. [1:25:45] You have a preposterous plan, young man. Your plan is preposterous. I don't think they should let 18-year-olds vote. I think you should have to be 45 and own property to vote. I have old slave rules in my mind. Tell me this. What the fuck is going on in New York? Are you guys about to really elect a communist? Is that really what's happening? Which one's that? Zoban Mandani. That guy's a good rapper. Have you ever seen his rap work? Is he good? No, but he does do rap music. I heard he did a lot of different things. He had a bunch of various accents. [1:26:15] Have you heard his rap music? He's gonna win. So crazy. We live in New Jersey, dude. Stavros is helping him. Hey, but here's the thing, man. Like, every time something new happens, whether it's some new person that comes in that bucks the system, anytime, that's good. The system needs to get tested. If you're mad because a communist won or is gonna win as the mayor of New York City, well, clearly you didn't do your job.

[1:26:43] opposing side. You don't have the right guy. Nobody's interested in what you have to say. They don't feel like you're representing the people. [1:26:52] Cuomo's no good? They pushed him out. They pushed Cuomo out. And this guy won the Democratic primary. Is that what Corrine was running for? [1:27:01] Mayor, yeah. They pushed him out as a governor, right? And so after they pushed him out as a governor, Hochul takes off, and now he's running for mayor. And when he's running for mayor, he lost in the primary to Mom Donnie. But then he kept running, I guess, as an independent. Is he as an independent now? If you say on the microphone, Joe, vote Corinne Fisher, we will know the mayor of New York. Yeah. Corinne Fisher, the comedian? Yeah, she pulled out of the race. Oh, she did? But she was running for mayor of New York. Oh, that's right. That was a while back. We spent months making fun of it. It ruled. [1:27:31] Who would want that job? Good Lord. Who would want to be Bill de Blasio's next guy? You know, like, are you fucking kidding me? Uh, yeah. It seems like a weird... Who wants that job? Everyone... Half the city's gonna fucking hate you. You have to live in Gracie Manor. No matter what, you gotta hope something, uh, terroristic happens that brings this place together. Like 9-11 did. Well, that's what... You know what's funny? Because I... I moved up to New York right after 9-11 because it was taking too long to drive there. Because the way they shut down, like, the tunnels and everything. So, like, uh... [1:28:02] That's the time that I fucking moved. And it really was like a... [1:28:06] Fucking... [1:28:07] not like a scary place at the time, but it definitely like, you know, Giuliani was divisive to people. And then it was just, this guy's the best. He's on Saturday Night Live, and he's cutting ribbons, and it just became immediate love for him. And that sort of happened immediately.

[1:28:21] Didn't get like George W. Bush like a month of the whole country was like, yeah, dude, let's go get him. Yeah. Yeah. It really did bring everyone together. Like everyone loved because then it's like Giuliani went away from New York. And then the next thing you know, it's like I don't pay attention to politics stuff. It's like Giuliani, that clown piece of shit that everybody hates. And look at his shit running down his face. And he's an asshole. I thought we loved him because he didn't clean up New York. [1:28:45] Prostitution and drugs were all out of Times Square. And he did a fantastic job when he was the mayor. If you look at it that way. [1:28:51] But the thing is, he supported Trump, and so everybody was like, fuck him. He's a loser. They just forget what he did during 9-11. Yeah. [1:28:57] Yeah. [1:28:59] People are so nice. Now it's like, keep letting 9-11 happen. But a lot of people will also be like, New York lost its soul after Giuliani. Even before Trump, a lot of people were hating on Giuliani. Because it was like a romanticism about New York being kind of dangerous. [1:29:13] There's something to be said for that. But that's also like, hey, guess what? There's plenty of soul still in Brooklyn and the Bronx. Things move on. The number one thing that you want to keep open forever and ever is peep shows. Like, hey, maybe you've got bad priorities. You live through it, right? You saw the peep show. [1:29:29] You walk by the adult bookstore. Okay, it's over. Now that's going to be at Papa John's. Right when I moved to New York City, it was days before 9-11. A week before 9-11, I started going to school in New York City, and I used to get off the bus at Port Authority, and there was all of those... It wasn't even like peep shows. It was just essentially porn in a booth. You'd go in a booth, you'd put in a dollar... Oh, the buttons, like five buttons? Yeah, just sticky... Five pornos? Just sticky buttons.

[1:29:53] Dude, I used to go in, and I used to just jerk off... That's crazy. No, all the time, dude. [1:29:59] I know a lot of people do this, but... You had to put a dollar in, and then you'd get like three minutes, and you'd have to click through... And just like you're clicking through porn now, you'd have to find the porn you wanted to finish to, put another dollar... Did you lean your back against the wall? I sat down one time, and I remember the seat was wet. Oh, you sat. The seat was wet one time, and I sat on it, and I convinced myself that my asshole sucked AIDS into my body. Yeah. Well, yes. Well. Stop wondering where you got it from. That's the answer. I had a friend of mine who used to be a crack addict, and he used to go to those places, and he would smoke crack, [1:30:29] and just jack off in the mall. He said he'd be in there for hours. And I was like, what the fuck? What is this crack? That is a crack that makes you so awesome. Dude, bro. When I smell crack, I can't get hard at all. There's two people that talked about it where it makes you try it. [1:30:45] Makes you want to try it. One of them is Hunter Biden. He talked about it on that. I'm sorry. [1:30:51] What was that show again? It was Channel 5, Andrew Callahan. Andrew Callahan, Channel 5. He did an interview with Biden. And Biden gives like a soliloquy about the virtues of crack. Like how much he loved crack. And like what the crack experience is like. It's so good. Like he's talking about it. He's so articulate. It makes you want to try crack. And then Charlie Sheen told me the first time he tried smoking crack at all. This is in his documentary too. I think. [1:31:17] Either way [1:31:18] A girl was giving him a blowjob while he took his very first hip crack.

[1:31:25] And he said, to this day, nothing's ever topped it. [1:31:28] Yeah, I've always heard it's the exhale thing. [1:31:31] of crack is amazing. The exhale. And then you go... [1:31:35] We got to get crack. We have to find more crack immediately. Guys, you want to just do crack? Yeah. It's crazy because... It's one that I said I would try, probably. What'd you say? It's one that I said I probably would try. You would try crack? Yeah. That's insane. Probably. [1:31:48] I mean, I'm not going to, but the things you were like, would you try this? I would try crack before I took... [1:31:55] LSD. [1:31:56] That's insane. It's quicker. That's actually insane. It's quicker. [1:32:02] LSD is an experience. Right. That's hilarious. Yeah. What if you knew it's real, pure LSD? LSD. [1:32:10] Like, if you got it from a scientist. We dosed Jay with LSD. The only time he was done LSD was... Do you know about this? No. Terrible friends. [1:32:19] So we had... How much the dose... [1:32:21] Well, one hit of acid in his beer. So here's what happened. You didn't let him know at all? [1:32:25] Well, it wasn't my fault. [1:32:26] Okay, hang on. Don't be so accusatory, Joe. You didn't watch the trial of the century, obviously. You brought this up, Louis. It's going to make you look bad. No, it's not going to make you look bad. This is not Rogan's fear. I will tell you what happened. Okay, so we were having an election for the president of the Legion of Skanks. I hate to treat people in this fear, dude. [1:32:44] And Ari Shafir was running against me, Jay, and Dave Smith to be the president of our podcast. And obviously he won. But he had Shane Gillis as his running mate. This is before Shane blew up. But Shane's always been fucking brilliant. So we were doing these every week. It was during the pandemic. We were one of the only live experiences. Like all the comedy clubs were closed down. We did our show outside. So people were coming out every week. They were super, super invested. And we had all these special guests on. And every week it was just getting better and better. And it was the last episode. We were about to decide who the president was.

[1:33:14] day. [1:33:15] I already had just dosed Bert like maybe a year before on his podcast. It was several years. So then I got a hit of acid from a kid in the audience, and I was like, I'm going to dose Ari. Just some guy. Just some dude. He said it was a really good acid. So then I put it. [1:33:31] I put into Ari's beer. [1:33:33] And then I was like, Ari's going to win, whatever. Let's be hilarious. We're going to dose Ari on the podcast. So I told Shane. I was like, dude, this is hilarious. We're going to dose Ari. Shane tells Ari. And then on the podcast, we went back and watched this because it's on camera. On the podcast, when Jay's not looking, Jay's just pontificating or being funny or whatever, Ari switches beers with Big Jay. [1:33:54] and gives it to Jay. And then Jay starts drinking or whatever. Now Ari for the next hour starts pretending to trip. And he's like doing all this. He's being all weird. Me and my buddy are cackling, laughing at him. Let me give you my perspective of where we're at here in this part of the story. [1:34:10] I'm not looking at Ari. What I'm noticing is... [1:34:13] Everybody else at the table... [1:34:16] He's like talking amongst themselves. David Tell was there too. Yeah, he was. Talking amongst themselves while I'm saying something. [1:34:23] And I'm like, I'm losing the people I'm doing a show with. I'm like... [1:34:26] So I'm like, blah, and I start trailing off, and I go, [1:34:29] I'm like, guys, what's... [1:34:31] You know, almost like off microphone. I'm like, what's going on? [1:34:33] And Lewis leans over to me and goes... [1:34:36] I dosed... [1:34:38] Ari's beer with acid. [1:34:40] And I... [1:34:41] I went... [1:34:42] Come on, man. I was like, I don't want to do this stuff. I don't want to get into the development. To be fair to Jay, his reaction was like, that's not a good idea.

[1:34:48] At all. He was not on board with it. Never. Yeah. I said, let's not get involved in the dosing game. Dave Smith also said the same thing. And, but damage was done. And then I go, all right, well, if you're going to do it to somebody, dare I say, Ari's the person who deserves that to happen to him the most. [1:35:04] So I'm like, all right, well, it's Ari at least. [1:35:06] And then they go, so what we're laughing at is look at Ari. So I finally go over to Ari, and he is like, you know, like licking the microphone and like doing all that stuff. [1:35:16] And then they pull... [1:35:18] A big reveal. Yeah, I was like, I dose you, Ari, so I don't care if you win. And then he's like doing this. Then he goes, he was like, oh, really? No, no. He goes... [1:35:27] He goes, oh, dude, really? Did you... [1:35:29] You told me that, oh, Steve, that's so not cool. He goes, you did that, or did I switch my beer with Jay's? [1:35:35] It's just completely straight. And then you see me literally on camera go, [1:35:40] Ha, nah. Nah, how did I get involved in this at all? And then they played the replay. You see Shane looks at the camera and says, I'm sorry. [1:35:48] Because he feels terrible that he didn't stop him. And then Jay, he had never taken acid, so Jay stayed up for 72 hours? 26. 26 straight hours. 26 straight hours. All I was doing was, and they go, well, did you have fun at least? Did you watch something? Did the walls melt? Did, like, yeah, have some kind of revelation? I go. [1:36:05] I sat on my couch for 26 hours. I went outside a few times and sat there thinking, why would my friends have done this to me? That was my consuming thought. This episode is brought to you by LifeLock. Lots of places can accidentally expose you to identity theft. Doctors' offices, online retailers, insurance companies, the list goes on. Thankfully, LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity,

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[1:38:05] an exclusive discount. Right now, you can get 50% off your new system by visiting simplisafe.com slash rogan. That's half off at simplisafe.com slash rogan. There's no safe like SimpliSafe. My friends do this to me. I wouldn't do this to them. Why would they do it to me? You just caught a stray. Yeah. You caught a stray in a righteous war. Like Ari deserved to get those to at least once. He deserved it. Sure. And somehow, he avoided it. [1:38:35] was on, what pod, was he on Brian Redband's podcast? I think it was Sam Tripoli's podcast. Sam Tripoli's podcast. [1:38:43] It was like quite a while back, like 2010 or something like that. And they smoked salvia on the podcast. And Ari said that he lived a whole other life under the water for like six months. Like he had friends. He had a girlfriend. He had a job. And then he lived a whole life. In 30 seconds. And then he came back. It was just a few minutes. But whatever it was, that stuff was weird because you could just buy it at a head shop. Yeah. [1:39:13] psychedelics you could ever take. Yeah, it was just unregulated for like a year, so everyone was buying salvia. And then bath salts, the guy ate a guy's face. I smoked salvia. Yeah, but that guy probably had problems already. My buddy Forrest brought home salvia from college. Didn't tell me what it was. We were just driving in my car with a bong. This is where I was at in my life. I had a bong in the car. I had a car, but we were going to bring it from in that house. I'm driving. He's like, dude, here, hit this. And I grab the bong, and I'm driving. Literally, and I go... Oh, no. And then he goes, put that

[1:39:43] The word down, it like elongated and went like, groan. And then he saw the word. The word down, giant block letters crash in front of the car. Like it was like stone letters, the word down. And I was like, and I pulled over to the side of the road. And he was just laughing in my face. And I was like, what the fuck was that? [1:40:01] A minute? 30 seconds? Like, it was just so quick. [1:40:04] But it was like super intense. Yeah, you don't do it while you're driving. I don't know who didn't teach you that. Well, there was that video of the person jumping out of the window, right? That was like the famous viral one where someone smokes it out right away. They just go, and just like go out out of their fucking window behind the couch. [1:40:18] Dude, I can't do hallucinogens at all. But that's almost why I'm saying, like, crack. [1:40:23] Like, I would try that over L... Again, because I've only been dosed with LSD. It was 26 hours of just being bummed out. Cracks the way quicker. As I'm saying, to me, it's almost like I try things that are like... [1:40:32] This will be done. [1:40:33] Quick ketamine that was the crazy thing about the hunter Biden interview is that he was saying that it's it's probably safer for you than alcohol He's pretty smart. That's what's uncomfortable. He's clean now. He's saying that yeah, it probably is, you know, allegedly I mean, you know, I always believe that's always a big thing when someone gets off drugs, but they don't talk about it with like a [1:40:52] just the, I'm told to call it evil and say it was evil and have some like fun reflection on it. I think they're more prepared to stop for real. [1:40:58] Yeah, that's true, right? Because they're being honest about it. [1:41:03] First couple months, I've never laughed harder than my life, you know, have enjoyed it. And then it's like, but then I just, you know, my money's gone. My family's pissed. Like a Colombian president or one of these presidents. It was some country. Like the president was like, no, cocaine's safer than alcohol. And he was like straight up. And then like they did like a review on it. It technically is. I think the real problem is the fentanyl stuff, the laced cocaine. You know, the stuff that's laced with stuff other than pure cocaine. But that's the problem with an unregulated black market.

[1:41:33] sold cocaine. You'd get like the best cocaine. You'd get pure cocaine. [1:41:38] It's recreational from a pharmacy. I don't even think. We're going to a Gonzalez-Y Gonzalez pharmacy. I don't even know if you can grow it. [1:41:45] in America. [1:41:47] Are there places in America that are capable of growing more? [1:41:50] Coca leaves? I think he needs slaves. [1:41:52] Did you ever see that thing? There's a show called Trafficked with Mariana Van Zeller. [1:41:58] There's this lady, she's an investigative journalist, and she does wild stories. Like she went to the people in Colombia that are making the cocaine, and she interviewed all of them. They all wore masks and shit, and then she went with them out into the woods when they walked through the jungle to bring the cocaine to the dealers. [1:42:17] And she was there with him for the whole process. She's documenting it. What the fuck, man? They're just using gasoline, just pouring gasoline on these coca leaves, and they're making this. It's like this is completely unregulated. This all could be done in a pharmaceutical drug studio where they have laboratories, and everybody's wearing hazmat suits and shit, and they make perfect cocaine. This cocaine sounds awesome, Joe. Perfect cocaine. That's not a long way to go for you guys to be able to dance like black people aren't watching. [1:42:47] There is no widespread reports of commercial coca cultivation, but the plant thrives best in conditions similar to those found in the Andean regions of South America, generally between 1,650 to 6,000 feet elevation with warm temperatures and abundant rainfall. [1:43:03] Yeah, see, it's not a good plant for America. It's a South American plant. Yeah, we can grow weed here really well. We figured that out. Yeah, but, you know, if it was legal, you'd get pure cocaine. That's what they're having.

[1:43:17] fucking America sucks it probably will be legal one day it should be legal this is what it should be we can prove it's killing more people that are having fun with it let's make it illegal if you can't do that, why is it illegal? because you shouldn't take it ok, then don't take it but what if you want to take it and what if you can just take it once and you're fine are we allowed to have some fucking freedom or not? there would be a couple years of people being because you look at weed widespread legality of it now [1:43:47] very high. The weed's gotten so strong. The strength of it would be a concern, but I think there's also something to... I don't know. I've gone back and forth in that. I think it's when my daughter was a teenager more, I was thinking... [1:44:00] When they talk about that, like just legalize every drug, which I hear the argument for too. [1:44:04] That's why I said I really don't know where I fall, but like... [1:44:06] I also have a feeling like when I was younger... [1:44:08] I could have been got someone could have got me to try heroin as a teenager by [1:44:12] Simply laying out like I mean it's legal dude, right? Well, I wonder that never stop me from doing drugs It did weigh with me a lot of it was a fear of having anything on me Have I tell you I got cocaine one time to bring to a girl It was a bag this big and I mean I thought I was walking out with Marcellus Wallace's fucking soul. I mean I was like oh my god everyone's coming for this everyone knows they're gonna get me they're gonna get it from me did yeah no, I [1:44:40] Yeah, I would just assume the Coke would be so good, and it would just be like a couple years of everyone just being like really fucked up. Like you can't go from it being like unregulated to just distributing it to everybody. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, there's going to be a...

[1:44:53] a long period of adjustment, but at least you're cutting out organized crime. It's like, that's what they had to do with alcohol. So when alcohol prohibition was going on, how many years was alcohol prohibition again? [1:45:02] put that in the [1:45:05] Perplexity. Two years is my guess. Our sponsor, Perplexity. Four and a half years. [1:45:09] It's probably better. We have an AI sponsor now that we ask questions to. Ooh. Um... [1:45:14] How many years was it? Is it a sexy woman? We don't make it talk. I don't want to pretend it's a person and fall in love with it. [1:45:20] 13 years. 13 years of alcohol prohibition? 13 years, daddy. 13 years. Baby, it was 13 years with no alcohol. So during that time, that's the rise of organized crime. That's the rise of Al Capone. That's the rise of all these different mobsters. That's all you could tie that back to the roots of organized crime getting money from alcohol. [1:45:43] That's where NASCAR came from. It was like those guys were trying to get away from cops, so they made the best cars. That's really what it was. Is that what it was? Yes. That's crazy. The roots of NASCAR is they made those souped-up cars to get the fuck away from cops because they were running moonshine. Yeah. Damn. And they stopped that, and then it came normal. And now it's Bud Light. Now you can go and get a bottle of Makers. It's in a store. It's like regulated.

[1:46:13] The legality of it never really got me, but it's just the accessibility of it. If weed was accessible as it is now, I might have tried weed way earlier than I did. I was sitting and started smoking weed until I was almost out of high school. But if it was just everywhere and it was great and you knew where everything came from, you had to go on a journey to find weed. Even when we'd go on the road back in the day, we'd land in whatever new town, and I'd be like, Jay, I'll be back in an hour. I've got to go find weed. And I'd just ask every skateboarder that I saw until somebody eventually... You look like a cop. [1:46:43] Get the fuck out of here, pig. Fuck you, man. It's so funny, though. Potheads love getting each other high, because back in the day, you'd literally just find somebody that looked like they liked weed. Especially if they're currently high. Yeah. Then they're more likely to be pliable. They'll go out of their whole way. They have a lot. Yeah, but they'll go out of their entire way to just go and hook you up with their guy. Bro, fuck yeah, bro. Bring you to my friend Scott's house. Yeah. Next thing you know, you're hanging with Scott. Listen to Slipknot. [1:47:11] Tell him about your blade blade. [1:47:13] great mosh pit injury of 2011. First EP. [1:47:18] But yeah, if all drugs were accessible, I mean... Illegal, I think, would have drawn me to some things, and accessible. But I'll tell you what's funny, too, that [1:47:27] You don't really have much of it, but you definitely went through phases, I'm sure, in your life because you started smoking younger than I did even. [1:47:33] But, like, as much as I... I consistently... [1:47:36] have smoked weed since I started smoking, which was 20-some years ago. I made you a pothead. Yeah, without a doubt. But it is so funny, though, that I still, to this day, don't have the...

[1:47:46] I'm faking it every time somebody comes to me and goes like, oh, man, look at that right there. I always just go, okay. I don't mean it at all. When they start showing me purple things inside of it, I always go, no shit. I don't care about strains. They're like, dude, it's an indica dominant hybrid. It's 28%. I do care about that. I do care about it not just being a sativa because that will just give me anxiety sometimes. But besides that, and by the way, if... [1:48:11] I'm with a bunch of people, and I don't ask what it is. If it's a sativa, we just smoke it. I don't ever think it. Yeah, ew, ew, asking what it is. That's crazy. You're all hanging out in a barbecue. Well, here's why, because it's not going to— Some guy's passing a joint. You're like, wait, what is this? To me, I say sativa. Is this a hybrid? Smoking alone. [1:48:29] A sativa, if I'm in my hotel room or something, I might get a little panicky. It just still gets me anxious. And it's just like health anxious stuff. It's like, I'm probably having a heart attack. It's not like the world's coming down on me. [1:48:41] Why is my heart racing so fast? That's probably my body shutting off, huh? Now imagine you smoke crack. [1:48:49] Then you'd feel real confident. It goes away. Crack is the opposite of weed. You'd be like, my fucking heart will never stop beating! This fucking heart! He goes, I've got to make sure my heart is still beating. I'm going to climb to the roof of this fucking place. [1:49:04] I don't think you should smoke crack but I don't think people are going to stop smoking crack and someone's making money off of it so it's like why should that money be made in an unregulated way where you don't know what you're getting 100,000 people are dying every year because of that 100,000 people are dying of opioid overdoses every year

[1:49:25] And if that's the case... [1:49:27] Those 100,000 – that's just the United States. Those 100,000 people – [1:49:32] how many of them wouldn't die if they weren't getting fentanyl-laced stuff? So is it worth 100 million or 100,000 people dying? [1:49:41] not dying to get them pure cocaine from a laboratory and sell it to them rather than them get it from the cartel and maybe die. Is it legal anywhere, Coke? It is, right? There's a couple, like Portugal, I think all drugs are legal. Portugal, all drugs, I think it's called decriminalized. You're not supposed to sell them. [1:49:57] Getting their fucking flu shots and picking up their cocaine. No, I don't think. The thing is, it's not junky behavior. If you're forced to, like, if it's illegal, you're forced to do it in alleyways and shit. I think if it's. That's what the Democrats need to do. They need to push legalized drugs and then Medicaid funded legalized drugs. And then people could just go to CVS and get coke. I would vote. I would vote. If somebody said legalized drugs, we're going to lower taxes by 20 percent. I don't care about any of their other policies. They're getting my vote every time. [1:50:24] Period. Yeah. But legalized drugs is a good one just because you're not supposed to tell me what to do. [1:50:30] Like it's not supposed to be one grown adult tells another grown adult what to consume or not to consume, especially when there's a lot of shit that shows it's not dangerous. So if you're doing that hot, Venezuela. Don't eat shit. [1:50:43] So cocaine, Venezuela allows possession of up to two grams for personal use. [1:50:48] Peru, Colombia, Bolivia, Ecuador, Paraguay, Mexico, and Poland permit legal or decriminalized possession for personal use. Oh, yeah, that's right. Mexico. Yeah, Mexico went crazy with all that stuff. Mexico, it's legal to possess for personal use cocaine. You can get a lot of stuff in Mexico. That's why they have those Ibogaine centers down there, too. People go to cure addiction. That's illegal in America. It's so fucking stupid. But they're starting to do that here.

[1:51:18] with PTSD, soldiers with PTSD, like Ibogaine is very helpful. Meanwhile, most of that stuff is illegal in the United States. It's federally illegal. And why? Review that. This is fucking stupid. We're not babies. We're not getting any younger either. We should have figured this out in the 80s when I was in high school. Why is this... [1:51:37] conversation still going on where you're letting grown adults tell other grown adults that they can't take things. Like, bitch, you don't even know what that thing is. You've never taken it. Yeah. You know? Do whatever you want to do with your body. That's what I say. Maybe this is what Zorhan Babadook is going to do in New York. What's his name? Remember the Zohan? He's going to bring a... It's going to be interesting. It's going to be interesting how much he changes once he gets into office, how much influence they can put on him. Goodbye Jew York. Am I right? [1:52:08] Um... [1:52:09] But I feel like that's how the game is supposed to be played. Why is Stavro so stoked on him? I don't know. Stavro's having a good time. I don't know. He lies with his political ideologies, I guess. But I wonder if it's a specific... [1:52:22] thing. I just don't know any of his policies. I know he has a rap thing and maybe prostitution is going to be legal. [1:52:27] Yeah, I think they already did that. I think they already decriminalized it. Decriminalized prostitution? Did they decriminalize prostitution in New York? Take it from me. No, they haven't. I don't think so. [1:52:37] There was talk about doing that, right? Oh, maybe. I think it should be legal, too. [1:52:42] I'd say when they pop up with a... [1:52:44] a new, like, holy shit law. They'll just drop it on you one morning. I mean...

[1:52:49] The smoking cigarettes, smoking weed wherever you go. [1:52:54] Like so legal that you can smoke anywhere you smoke cigarettes outside. You can smoke weed in New York. The day it went legal and it was like so unceremonious. [1:53:02] I remember finding out that day, it's like, weed's legal today. Like, really? It was such a thing that was debated for so long, and then one day it just was. Yeah, weed used to be super illegal in New York City. There was all these, like... [1:53:14] like a [1:53:15] Fake... [1:53:16] dispensaries that popped up. It was like a hundred of them because the cops didn't know what to do with them. So like a hundred dispensaries opened up over the course of like a week. There was trucks with like just Puerto Rican guys in the back of the truck. They were like, oh, welcome to the weed shop. And they were bringing in [1:53:31] The best shit. [1:53:32] From California. So good. Yeah, yeah. And then one day, just the same way it was unceremoniously that it was legal, they said, oh, we're just fucking arresting everybody. And then they shut down every dispensary in New York and they raided all of them. They didn't do much arresting, I don't think. It was honestly, but they went in. I'd go to the places... [1:53:49] And it was like going to your favorite burger shop and finding out it just got robbed violently. You go in this place, and they're just picking up the pieces of things left behind. They go, [1:53:58] They took everything, man. They just came in. They took the whole ATM machine. They took the whole fucking... [1:54:04] stash they had. When was this? [1:54:06] A couple years ago? A couple years ago now. Three years ago, maybe? And then fucking... [1:54:10] He went and Eric Adams burned it all. [1:54:13] Like he burned it all off, all the stuff they just took from the stores. So he took all the weed and burned it? [1:54:19] Eric Adams did? Yeah. Yeah.

[1:54:20] Okay, so they decriminalized it for a short period of time and then decided to crack down on illegal dispensaries only? Yeah, they decriminalized it. They legalized it. They legalized it. So they're just getting it from these illegal dispensaries who don't have a license, right? The problem was the idea, I think the way they got it to pass. Four times! He personally destroyed it? Yeah. Oh, you piece of shit. I think the way they got it to pass... [1:54:42] of doing, like, getting legalized in New York. It was that it's going to bring revenue to New York. So it's like we're going to use growers in New York. So it's all these brands you never heard of before. Bro, why would he film himself running the tractor that's picking up the weed and dumping it onto the fire? Just marketing. He's an old school player. Just to get people talking about him. But that is... [1:55:00] Such a bad idea. Like if you're willing to do that, if you're a mayor and you think that's like when was the guy that climbed in the tank? [1:55:08] During the... [1:55:10] He was running for president, and they took a photo of him, like a photo op, but he was in a tank. He had a helmet on. He looked like such a fucking dork that immediately – [1:55:20] Yes, Michael Dukakis. Look at this dork. He's like this tiny little guy and he took this photo with him in a tank and everybody was like, it's over. Forget it, dude. [1:55:29] Had to destroy a presidential candidate. You can't come back from this. Yeah. Michael Dukakis, his eyebrows. That's what I remember. Yeah. Well, then his lady was, like, drinking... [1:55:39] What was she drinking? [1:55:40] She was drinking like... [1:55:43] either mouthwash or cologne or something like that, right? To get drunk? Yeah, yeah, trying to get drunk. Michael Lukakis' wife? Yeah. That's hilarious. Oh, nail polish remover, wasn't it? Something crazy like that. I can't remember that story. Something crazy toxic. She was just trying to catch a buzz off of anything. What was he? He was going against George H.W. Bush, right? I believe so. She was drinking rubbing alcohol. Rubbing alcohol. Fucking yo. Imagine how that burn's going down. Rubbing alcohol. Yeah.

[1:56:11] Can warping alcohol actually get you drunk? Oh, yeah. Can it kill you? [1:56:14] Will it kill you? That's where the... [1:56:16] Poison and dosing becomes a thing, yeah, for sure. [1:56:19] Wow. How about witch hazel? Let's see how much. Yeah. You could drink rubbing alcohol for sure. Yeah. Yeah. [1:56:26] That was the scandal of the time back then. [1:56:29] Dukakis. Yeah. [1:56:31] Why were we talking about him? Mayor Adams burning the weed. Oh, that's such a bad look, man. Yeah. Well, like, what is the angle? It's either your city and your state's made it legal, so it's like, what is the imagery of you burning it now? I'm telling you, because he's going... [1:56:44] This is about New York. He's basically saying, like, these are businesses coming in and not bringing any revenue to, like, New York. This is what I would say. [1:56:51] Okay. If I was the mayor and they had already done this, I would say, let's auction off these weed and give that money to the education system. Sure. Four tons of weed that you can sell now. [1:57:03] Yeah. Okay. But then the problem is now then the cops have an incentive to steal your weed and then resell it. And the cops become the biggest dealers in New York. If they could just steal your weed and resell it. If they made it legal. It's like Nino Brown. Yeah. Why were they able to steal that weed? If the weed is legal, what are we doing? [1:57:22] It's because they're reselling it with no drink. It's like if you're trying to sell alcohol, though. If you were selling beers on a street corner. Taxes. [1:57:29] Yeah, they've got to get their cut. Mayor Adams also today announced that as of yesterday, the task force has conducted inspections of 100% of known shops identified as selling cannabis illegally, and that was part of Operation Padlock to protect's initial list of illegal shops. As a result of Operation's rapid success, the city has seized more than $63 million in illegal product,

[1:57:59] outsized amount of space across NYPD's network of evidence warehouses. So many jeeters and stizzies. It sounds like you're stealing weed. It sounds like you're stealing weed. I'm telling you, these shop owners, the two places that I would go that got shut down, [1:58:12] The shop owners came out like... [1:58:14] arms in the air like this is crazy. They just came in and destroyed everything. Here's my question though. If it's legal, so it's legal, so if it is legal and you can sell it, why are you able to take, if you're going to a shop that's illegally selling televisions, okay, and you go in there and you go, oh, these guys have 60 televisions. You don't burn them [1:58:36] Right. You don't take it from them and burn them. Why are you allowed to take sixty three million dollars worth of marijuana product if it's legal? [1:58:44] Even if it's an illegal store, why are you allowed to take their product and just destroy it? [1:58:48] That seems so stupid. It seems crazy. We know it's a commodity. Do you have 63? Are you richy rich? Are you so rich that you can burn $63 million? You're not worried about what goes to the city? Joe, I feel like you are. I feel like you could burn $63 million worth of weed and be like, why don't you even not pick up a deal? I'd feel it. But the point is, why would you do that? Why would you do that? Why would you burn it? Why wouldn't you just give it away or sell it? Give it away to poor people who can't afford weed. You should have bought it. I wish I could. [1:59:18] Imagine if I did, and I just said, I'm going to give out all this weed to all the poor neighborhoods. All the people who can't support weed. Here's the answer in the last paragraph. Unregulated. Unregulated. Right, of course. And taxes on any of it. Of course. That's also consumable, right? So if somebody said... That was my point, though. If you have unregulated televisions, they don't destroy the televisions. They probably do. Oh, no. Do they really? Yeah, actually, but they probably... Wouldn't they auction them off? They'd get mad. No, they wouldn't. They'd probably try to... And so you're not consuming the TV, right? So it's not something you're putting in your body. So the regulation exists.

[1:59:48] just for taxes and bullshit. Well, they always have police auctions. I was going to say police auction for cars. They've seized cars. They definitely do. They don't destroy cars. I don't even tell you. They're like... [1:59:57] He's like, hey, I got a Mercedes. He's like, yeah, well, you better hope the guy doesn't come looking for it. Yeah, that's exactly what I told my friend. He was buying a Porsche, like one of them old-school Porsches with a slant nose. I was like, dude, that's a drug dealer car. How many of them exist that even look like that thing? That guy's going to find you one day. You're going to be at a restaurant. He's going to be out of jail. Like, hey! My first apartment. Hey, where'd you get that car? [2:00:20] My first apartment in New York that I had. [2:00:24] The landlord lived upstairs, him and his wife and kid, and he looked exactly like Travis Bickle. I mean exactly like the character Travis Bickle. [2:00:32] And his name was Wayne. [2:00:34] Wait, who's Travis Bickle again? That's Robert De Niro's character in Taxi Driver. Oh, that's right. Okay. He looked exactly like... He purposely chose to look like that character. Oh, boy. Okay. [2:00:43] and the property [2:00:46] Had it in front of the whole place, a gigantic... [2:00:49] green [2:00:50] like padlocked gate, and inside there was... [2:00:54] two giant like fucking pit bulls, these angry dogs that were just in a gate outside. And then the house you'd walk into, we were the front, first floor, they were second floor. But he was a repo man. [2:01:03] And so when you come home... [2:01:04] Anytime. And the reason we had the padlock. [2:01:07] the whole property was because up on the property in the front lawn it would be like McLarens and fucking these beautiful he was like just repoing like drug dealer cars constantly there would be in our front yard it's so terrifying that's fucking terrifying scary as shit because if you come out where's my fucking car like I don't know I don't have anything to do with it oh by the way we're in Queens we're in Queens

[2:01:26] And we moved to Astoria because everyone was like, Astoria, Greek, it's so great, and the food, and it's so not scary, you know, wonderful place. [2:01:34] Well, the edge of it [2:01:36] where I moved, [2:01:37] is on Queensbridge Projects, where rap comes from. [2:01:43] And that was scary as hell. So it was kind of like a rough area, too. And they have these, like... [2:01:49] I mean, $200,000 car, which is on a front lawn. You don't want to buy a drug dealer's car. No. You don't want to live in his house after they repossess it. Like, no. Would you live in a murder house for a good deal, though? I almost bought a murder house. Yeah, I know. I had put in an offer. It was accepted, and I pulled out at the last minute. You promised to keep it alive and murder your... It was a 300-year-old house. That was why I ended up not buying it. It was a judge... [2:02:13] who lived in it and put a guy in prison, and when the guy got out of prison, he murdered the judge and his wife in the house. And they didn't tell me when I first toured it, and then I did the research on it, and I thought it was cool. I didn't give a shit at all. I thought it was just a fun story. What year was this? Why does the one bathroom have blood coming out of the faucet? 250 years ago? Okay, that doesn't count. [2:02:33] Yeah, I'll live in that house. Yeah, but that's how ghosts... You want those ghosts. That's an old ghost. Old-timey ghost with chains and like a fucking... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Woo. That's fine. I don't want them new ghosts. Contemporary ghosts? Drum dealer ghosts? The ones that throw you downstairs and kill you? Choke you with their pussy? I can live in the... I can live in the... [2:02:53] on the property of murder, but not in the structure. Oh, like if murder happened on a manor.

[2:03:00] In the English countryside. No, just like it happened in a house, and then the house was, like, demolished. [2:03:06] Okay. What if it happened in the woodshed, like Ed Gaines style? That's weird. Well, you know, in Long Island, somebody... [2:03:13] They finally did, I think not long ago, like finally demolished the Amityville house. Oh, really? The Amityville Horror House. Like finally, just like someone bought the property and was like, take it down. What is the whole deal with the Amityville Horror? What was the true story about that? Monsters and ghosts. Bah. What do you mean? But I know the movie. The devil was in an Amityville, New York. Oh, what are you asking? What was the story? Sometimes a man's got to kill his family because of a ghost. Did a guy actually kill his family? Well, The Conjuring, right, that was their story, right? [2:03:43] amityville horror house the couple from the conjuring right but what was the story about the amityville heart did the [2:03:49] A father that went nuts killed his family with an axe. Is that what it was? I think so. The real story? I believe so. About the actual house itself. I know that was the movie, but I never knew if that was the actual story itself. [2:03:59] itself. [2:04:00] It's kind of thick. I mean... [2:04:02] Because there's so many of those movies back in the 80s and shit. They would just make up a history, and you would never be able to Google it. Well, they say it's a true story. Weapons, the beginning of Weapons, they were like, this is a true story. It's like, is it, though? [2:04:13] Yeah, that's what I would say. Was there a witch that came and possessed a bunch of children and they all... [2:04:17] Okay, here it is. He was American mass murderer who was tried and convicted of the 1974 killings of his father, mother, two brothers and two sisters in Amityville, New York. His name is Ronald Joseph DeFeo Jr. He was found guilty of six counts of second degree murder and was sentenced to 25 to life. DeFeo died in March of 2021. The case inspired the book and film versions of the Amityville horror. There is [redacted address].

[2:04:46] And so did he kill him with an axe? [2:04:49] Shot him, I think. Shot him. [2:04:51] shot and killed six members of his family at their home. [2:04:56] He could have just been a piece of shit. The devil didn't have to have anything to do with that. I know. That is something funny when there's sequels to something that is initially supposed to have actually happened. Right. Then you just start making shit up. [2:05:08] That is kind of funny. That's a very good point. Ed Gein 2, Electric Boogaloo. This is a redemption arc. DeFeo claiming he had no memory of killing his family, so they mounted an affirmative defense of insanity. Right. [2:05:20] Insanity plea was supported by the psychiatrist for the defense. Daniel Schwartz, the psychiatrist for the prosecution, Dr. Harold Zolon, maintained that although DeFeo was a user of heroin and LSD, he had antisocial personality disorder and was aware of his actions at the time of his crime. [2:05:38] Interesting. [2:05:40] Heroin and LSD. [2:05:41] unregulated. Interesting. Yeah, unregulated. That's it. That's the problem. You got it from the cartel. So that was based on a true story. But, you know, all the demon shit in there, they just add that. It's kind of weird that you're allowed to do that after someone's dead. You just make up a bunch of stuff. Stationalize it? Yeah. I mean, that's Ed Gein's show just did. Right. But this is like you're making up a thing where this guy is possessed by demons, which is why he's killing everybody.

[2:06:11] you turn it into a horror movie that has the supernatural in it. Ed Gein [2:06:16] That show was about what he really did. Like, he really did take people's skin off. The grave robbing and stuff like that was definitely a real story. And he did make furniture out of people's skin. Like, all that stuff was insane. Yeah, the shows took a lot of, like, liberties with, like, rumors and shit. Oh, like him wearing dresses and jacking off? No, like some of the murders. Like, he was never connected to all the murders that he did on the show. Like, there was sort of, like, rumors. Like, none of it. [2:06:46] He was mostly a grave robber was his thing. Yeah, he didn't. It was sort of like they kind of put two and two together and they just said he murdered his brother, but that was never proven. I see. Yeah. Yeah, I saw that part in the movie and I was like, hmm. And I did look it up and it did say that they weren't sure. They said he died of asphyxiation. [2:07:03] from the smoke. Yeah. You know, but then they noticed that he had... He had a bruise, but they said he could have... When he fell, he could have hit his head. Yeah. [2:07:10] It could you know who knows but I [2:07:14] He definitely killed a few people, at least. I think he was only charged with two. Two, yeah. Only two? Yeah. [2:07:20] you know. [2:07:22] Which, I mean, serial killer? [2:07:23] Come on. [2:07:25] Thank you. [2:07:25] Come on. [2:07:26] The craziest one was Henry Lee Lucas. [2:07:29] You ever see that movie, Henry Portrait of a Serial Killer? Yeah. It's based on Henry Lee Lucas. [2:07:34] Him and this dude, they traveled across the country together, and he killed... [2:07:38] They don't even know how many people he killed. But then the problem with that guy is he also seems crazy. So then cops could bring him, what about this one, Illinois, 1972, Betty Lee Harris. I killed her. Definitely. I remember her. And so then they could chalk stuff off like that they solved cases. And so they'll get a lot of these guys that are basically just fucking losers that are probably strung out on meth, kill a few people, kill people for thrills in a gas station and stuff. Kind of like what the movie implied.

[2:08:08] You give him credit for like 100 deaths. Did you ever speak to him on the show? Any of the guys... [2:08:14] The West Memphis three. Did you have Damien Echols on ever? The main kid from that? [2:08:18] I don't know. [2:08:19] No. You know what I'm talking about? The West Memphis Three? Yes. Because that was a special thing. I wonder if their lives are just... [2:08:24] fucked or if they're just doing okay explain the West Memphis three to be able to explain the story it was a [2:08:31] Three heavy metal gothy kids that were friends. One was dim, or what do you call it, dull, like brained. He was like 70 IQ or something. This is the origin story of the Legion of Skanks. Also. That was Lewis. Then he came to me, the goth lord. I was holding seances at my house. There was a big guy. He was really funny. There was a guy into politics. It was the whole thing. Something weird before we get too far. Yeah. [2:09:01] on the podcast and on two other separate occasions. [2:09:05] And that's not true. [2:09:06] Wow. Really? Yeah, look. So that's not... [2:09:11] It's confusing him with Duncan, though, for some reason. They'll just say whatever you want him to say. That's so crazy. [2:09:20] I don't know. I just thought that was very funny and weird. That's so crazy. Um, [2:09:23] So that's not perplexity. That's another shitty AI that lies. It's another country trying to ruin our great America with their feeble lies. And now you're all tied up with the West Memphis three. Great. Yeah. So the three kids, they got arrested because two, two boys went missing. What's wrong? I think two little boys went missing.

[2:09:45] and they kind of rallied up these kids and [2:09:48] They didn't take it that seriously when they first got arrested. [2:09:51] for the murder of these two boys. Two boys, I think? [2:09:54] They were killed? [2:09:55] I think it was two or three little boys. But I mean, they're like, [2:09:58] They're [2:09:59] Dicks were cut off. It was like a violent, violent murder. [2:10:03] of these little kids. [2:10:04] And three of them? Three of your boys reported missing. Yeah, they go missing, and they find them ultimately. And they arrest these three kids because, like, the neighborhood was like, oh, those are the kids that are always making bonfires and wearing long coats. [2:10:17] and they got arrested. The Damien Nichols kid kind of embraced it because he was like, [2:10:21] He's like, they didn't do it, so he's like, I'll be the... [2:10:24] You know, the creepy kid who says a bunch of weird shit. And then they got the kid who's retarded to say they did it. Oh, my God. But they let him... All of his details are wrong when they interview the kid. And they spent... [2:10:36] fucking 19 years or something like that in jail. Oh, my God. One of them on death row. [2:10:41] And they ended up getting, they took the... [2:10:44] What's that plea called? It's a very interesting plea. [2:10:48] You could put in that says you're admitting guilt, but they're letting you out. [2:10:51] Because they didn't want to say they wouldn't just... [2:10:54] overturned the thing because of no evidence and so much evidence to other people. Because then you can sue them. Right. So they were like... Oh, my God. And so they let them out. Alford plea. Alford plea, yeah. How crazy is that? And so they get out and they say they're guilty, but they all get to get out. But like... [2:11:07] Is the one who has 70 IQ, are they okay? You said 19 years? I think 19 years. 18 years. [2:11:12] Wow, that's so creepy, man.

[2:11:16] And they think it's the one kid's stepfather is the one who looks most good for it. You're asking if you think they're just normal now? [2:11:22] I don't know. You're not coming back from 18 years of being falsely incarcerated and being normal. You're fucked up. Yeah, you're in trouble. Well, this is the one kid's like, you know, his... [2:11:30] Brain is like a slow... [2:11:32] The other kid, the other red-headed kid, but I wonder if their lives are like, if they're just like flourishing in any way. I think the slow one's doing the best. And you have to sign this police so you can't even make money for being wrongfully imprisoned, which ordinarily... [2:11:44] Well, I don't know, but you're not going to get as much as you deserve. Nobody's going to read your book. [2:11:49] Let's be honest. Unless you're a really good writer, no one's going to read the post. Well, you have some stories out there. Right, the stories out there. We know the whole story. We know the end. The end. But the thing is, the fucking people that did that, they deserve to pay. They deserve to pay. And they never caught the real people, right? No. So they're letting these people go, but they have to say they did it. Fuck you, man. You're just trying to get out of jail. Because you should be in jail. You put people in jail for something they didn't belong being in jail for. That should be a heinous crime. You should write a book about your jail experience, though. [2:12:17] There's no such thing as too much spit. Damien Eccles story. [2:12:22] How to cook lasagna in your toilet bowl with a hair dryer. Toilet wine makes the pain go away. The prison guards never hear you scream by Damien Eccles. I think, parentheses, I think they do hear it. They just don't care. Oh, boy. Dude, being in prison would just fuck. It's still the scariest fear of mine in the world. Going to prison? End of having to go to prison. I just won't. I will not do well.

[2:12:47] With your nail polish, they'll love you, dude. That's going to wear off eventually. No, dude. You'll be somebody's fucking... And then they're going to paint it back on. You'll be somebody's pretty pretty. You're going to get in trouble for bringing in nail polish. Other dudes are bringing in heroin. No! My eye shadow! [2:13:04] You're all skinny now, dude. You'll be somebody's bitch in a week. Oh, man. I tell you what, I know from the times that I've been in holding cells and shit that... [2:13:12] They do not appreciate funny, you think, like they're going to in there. They hate it. They hate it. They're tense. They're locked up. I think they're tense. I think a lot of people, too, who are in there, especially when they look comfortable, live in a world that isn't like laughing a lot. [2:13:24] You know what I'm saying? Like a machismo world where it's like a giggle makes you soft. Yeah, they don't like that. They don't want you making silly fucking silly jokes. I'm coming in there. I'm like, you know, I'm making little zingers. And I'm like, I'm going to be out of here in a couple hours, guys. They give you a nickname. They're like, oh, yeah, you smiley. The one's like, I killed my stepdaughter. That's 80% of the problems in the world. [2:13:43] If you're in a room where no one wants to laugh about something. Well, I've said it's insane the mindset of machismo that carries into prison. [2:13:53] If you could just organize, a good speaker could go into a prison and be like, let's never fight. We could have a better than the NFL League of Football in here with all the people and organize shit and get through it much easier than looking over your shoulder all day and wondering if the beef and the turf wars that's happening in prison are going to be a problem. We're all here. Let's do something. Let's have movie night. If reality TV is real, I feel like you can organize that, and eventually they'll give you dogs to help with therapy dogs, which is pretty great.

[2:14:23] Like prison dogs, prison dogs and cats for a minute. This weird that there's almost no emphasis on like, hey, how good of a job are prisons doing of rehabilitating people? Like there's no zero, but there's no emphasis on it in society. Not even saying I don't know what they actually do, but no one cares about it. No one brings it up. Everybody just wants people locked up. And once they're locked up, they want them to they want them to do a long term. Well, that's the end of the story. Right. So we talked about that before. It's like you they need the end of the story. And it's like, oh, the bad guy went to jail. [2:14:53] end of the story. I don't give a fuck what happens. Yeah. [2:14:55] But a lot of these people, they're going to jail for five or ten years, and there's no chance for them to be rehabilitated. They're always watching their back. Well, they become worse very often. They end up – you go into a system where now you're around violent criminals with a criminal mentality for years and years and years, and you're sort of indoctrinated into that lifestyle. I think you get let down a lot, too, like if you try – if you're a person who goes to jail and really, you know – [2:15:20] Comes out holding a book. That's all they need now. Because they figured out life. And they got to do things right and get their kids back. Not an easy fucking path. Like getting a job. Difficult. How are you going to become like... [2:15:31] An entrepreneur is the best thing you can come up with if you come out of jail? No one hires you. No one's looking. There's systems out there. When I worked at the last day job I had, I worked at a gym, and all the personal trainers were hired out of a prison system. When they got out of jail, they learned personal training, and then New York Health and Racquet Club hired them. There's just a bunch of thugs on the floor. That's hilarious. I'd love to have that around my locker.

[2:15:58] Yeah, much of a vetting process. [2:16:01] Jack tattooed black dudes like just training this little old lady at the New York Health and Racquet Club. Yeah, doing like prison workouts. I went to jail for doing stuff to a lady like you. That's hilarious. Lift it. [2:16:14] Ah, shit. I can smell your fear. [2:16:16] I taste it on your sweat. Now lift it. [2:16:19] Right. [2:16:20] Yeah, nobody ever thinks about rehabilitation. [2:16:23] It never comes up. Yeah. It never comes up as a story like we need to do better. [2:16:28] We need to rehabilitate people better. We need to figure out what to do with them in there. Never the system. It's always like a person. It's always like a person took an interest in me, and that person helped me turn my life around. Right. It's never like, by the time I get in there, like, this one sent me to that one. Right. This one looked out for me here. You know, these classes were great. I think day one, when they open the prison, they're going to go, we're going to make a real difference here. And then within a week, you're like, these people are animals. Of course. You can't do nice things for these fucking people. I don't think they ever think they're going to make a difference. [2:16:55] And then I think there's another problem that a lot of prisons are private prisons now, which is really a crazy idea. How about that video of that girl just fucking the two guys in the jail cell? And well. [2:17:04] Well, by the way, she's fucking like she's not worried that someone's going to find them. Right. She's letting them film her. Reckless abandon. Wild. And she was a security guard. She was, not my face. Her face the only thing that in it. Like, they're going to figure it out. Is that what she said? Don't put my face in it? I don't know if she said that. What other hot guard is there? Her face really is never in it much. [2:17:25] It's like she's blowing the guy. Isn't it enough? Is it? I think so. I thought it was her riding his dick where you see her back. Listen, there's some crazy people out there that just fucking go for it. They just hit the gas and drive off the cliff. Especially sexually. That's like a deviancy. They get off the danger. I'd say hire zero women for prison guard jobs in a male prison. But also, if you're going to hire them, don't hire fat, ugly ones. They're going to help one escape. Right.

[2:17:55] Self-esteem issues, and then a muscular fucking guy, Jack Guy, goes... [2:17:59] I mean, if I was out of here, and then before you know it, you're fucking running across Canada. There's been a bunch of those. Waiting for some fat chick who's eventually going to have to come home to her husband and be like... [2:18:09] They didn't actually want me. They just wanted my key to the door. That's all right. They always leave a husband who's fat just like them. [2:18:17] sitting there accepting her fatness, and she flew too close to the sun. How many of these cases have happened? [2:18:24] It's more than one, right? I think a lot. [2:18:27] Let's throw that in perplexity. How many women have been security guards that helped men escape? On that show, Love After Lockup, there's already been at least one thing of the couple on there, the girl had to quit being a prison guard because she was fucking him. That's on a reality show, so it's happening unreported a lot. That's not her helping him escape, though. No, no, no, no, but it's still like she's built. And then he came out, of course, and started fucking other people immediately the way he was supposed to. [2:18:57] because she's the big fat lady who's taking care of all the bills. And he's like, oh, right. [2:19:01] I'm not locked up in prison anymore. [2:19:03] I want to go out with my buddies and meet a girl who I think is attractive. I watched it. My friend Jay growing up. [2:19:09] His brother got out of jail when we were teenagers, and I watched that exact same thing. He was out for... [2:19:13] Less than a year. A whirlwind until he went right back in for horseshit. Same thing, robbing a Wawa. So here we go. How many female security guards have been caught helping inmates to escape? And perplexities providing us with many stories. Vicki White, assistant director of corrections in Alabama, helped inmate Casey White escape. Did they get married? Or did they just, baby, we got the same last name. Well, you tell me, because it says here they were both guests on the Joe Rogan experience.

[2:19:43] After the escape and manhunt ended. Whoa, she took her own life. Joyce Mitchell, former prison worker in New York, convicted and sentenced for helping two convicted murderers escape from a maximum security prison in 2015. Smuggle tools like hacksaw blades to the inmates was involved in the elaborate escape plan. Lynn Barnett, a prison guard in Missouri, helped convict Terry Banks. Escaped in 1990. So there's a bunch of them. Bring up a picture of each one of these fatzos. [2:20:13] Let's just pick one from the list of names, because which one do you think would be the most likely to be tricked into almost anything by a guy with a big dick? [2:20:23] Vicki White... [2:20:24] She killed herself. I feel like her life wasn't going too great before this. Yeah. I'm going by the places. [2:20:31] This is Alabama. This could be bad. [2:20:33] our images... [2:20:36] It's better than I thought it was going to be. It's better than I thought it was going to be. And that dude looked like that. [2:20:40] So there's Vicky. Oh, there you go. There's Vicky. Nobody was picturing a white guy. [2:20:45] Looks like Sam Kenison. [2:20:46] It looks like fucking the guy from... [2:20:49] Big guy. What's the... [2:20:51] Quiet Place? [2:20:54] You know what I'm talking about? From the office, right? Yeah. Yeah. [2:20:57] What's his name? [2:20:59] I know what you mean. I can't. John something? John. Either way. But it looks like him. So there's been a few of those ladies that got duped by... [2:21:09] rascally prisoners. Oh, yeah. But that makes sense. Like, why are you letting women guard men? That's crazy. I think all the things like that, you solve the problem. Again, people are so worried about getting a finger pointed about, like, being called genderist or racist or anything, but, like,

[2:21:23] Why? [2:21:24] Is any man, doctor otherwise, allowed in locker room with 12-year-old Olympic gymnast girls? Yeah. Why is it happening? Why ever? Why is the best coach for a girls thing always got to be some old rushing? [2:21:37] Have a girl trainer. Let's not put anyone in the position where you're going to be staring at her fucking 12-year-old ass all day. The best coach for any sport is probably still a dude, right? I don't know about that. You're probably trying to have this. Coaching's theory, though. Coaching is theory. It's not. Well, you're trying to have this kid go to the Olympics. Well, I'm assuming my assumption is if you look at all of the top sports coaches throughout history, they've been dudes. Look at this one. The married woman fell in love with a convicted murderer, John Mannard, who was serving a life sentence. [2:22:07] crate. Nice. They pair escaped to a cabin in Tennessee where authorities captured them two weeks later in a highway chase after a car driven by Menard hit a tree. [2:22:17] How many times back at that cabin do you think she was like, [2:22:21] Finally, I get to... [2:22:23] get you naked. And he's like, oh, I'm hungry though. He has to keep making excuses not to fuck her for the whole weekend. Yeah. He realized he escaped. She goes, now I wore this little sexy number on my big fat body for you. And you had to be like, oh baby, that's what I've been picturing this whole time. [2:22:40] Yeah, my buddy's brother got out of jail. Same thing, a lady. [2:22:44] morbidly obese. She let him out? No, no, no. She wasn't a prison guard when he got out. It's the same concept. They got out, and a girl he was writing to while he was in there was this morbidly obese lady who's got facial hair, and she would pay for everything, and he would just go live his life until she eventually has to, like...

[2:23:01] show some semblance of self-esteem. [2:23:04] Confidence. [2:23:05] I can't do this anymore. I'm now broke or whatever. And then they just leave. They don't give a shit. But the fact, the stupidity is believing it. I've always walked around. [2:23:14] Believing like I've never been like the and you know this about me too. We have such interesting takes I've never been like I'm gonna start hitting on the prettiest girl in the room. No, Jay will go for the grossest girl. That's not true No, like somebody who you could tell us confidence issues [2:23:30] That's not what I'd go for particularly say I'm just saying in my mind. It's not about who I'm going for it's just that that girl I [2:23:36] I don't start chatting up because I'm already like... [2:23:39] There's no point in this. Do you know what I mean? So the fact that when I watch those shows like Love Has No Age or shows like that where it's like the 80-year-old guy or what's the coach of the... [2:23:49] Patriots [2:23:50] Belichick, the 26-year-old girl. I'm like, God bless him for being like, at some point he has to convince himself that it's not gross to her when he pulls his old flopping weird dick out of his... I don't think he does convince himself that it's... He knows what it is. He knows he's a fucking rich 80-year-old man and she's a 26-year-old cheerleader. [2:24:08] There's almost like an unspoken thing there where you go like, all right, well, obviously I'm going to take care of you, and you're going to suck my dick. You're going to take care of me, and it's like a contract. I think that's very fair and healthy almost. I don't think it's discussed. I think there's probably a little bit of a dance going on. Whenever you've got some weird gold digger type relationship, there's a dance going on. There's no deep conversations. There's a lot of sweetie and honeys, and when a girl that pretty starts rubbing on your face and then riding on you and giving you a lap dance

[2:24:38] the lips, like... [2:24:40] If you're an old dude, like, you're retarded. You think you're actually attractive to her. Like, you're retarded. All guys are retarded. Yeah. Like, you're like, whoa. She doesn't care about looks. She loves me. And she fucks you. And then you go, we don't need a prenup. And the next thing you know, she's worth $100 million. And you look like a fool in front of the world. And I'm not saying that's going to happen to him. But I'm saying that that has happened so many fucking times. There's been so many gold diggers. But in a weird way, I almost go like, more power to him if that's what he wants. [2:25:10] Wounded antelope doesn't get out of the water hole. But it's also about making what you're pieces with it. It's just how it goes. If you're an 80-year-old dude, you convince yourself that a hot 26-year-old really loves you and that you should fucking marry her and not have a prenup. That's you playing the game in a terrible way and getting checkmated. Well, then there's somebody like the Anna Nicole Smith thing, though. Same thing. But I've heard her disgusted enough where she's never said, I thought the guy was attractive if we had sex. She goes, [2:25:38] He liked looking at me, basically. [2:25:40] And he was dying, and I was there, and he really saved my life. Like, he has money. [2:25:45] He liked me as a stripper and helped me and my son to not fucking that. So she loved him in a way. I do believe that. [2:25:51] She's not even telling us... [2:25:52] He couldn't have sex anyway. He was that kind of age. If there was any sort of romantic interaction between her and him and he had to give her all his money – [2:26:05] It was worth it. It was worth it. What else do you have? You have nothing. You're dying. You're dying. Give away your money. I hope when I'm 80, I have some fucking hot 24-year-old stripper that's just like, oh, my God, dude. Hot and thick. Who gives it? You're going to give it to your shitty kids? Fuck that. Give it to this hot stripper. You have a will. You give it to everybody. But the point is...

[2:26:26] She deserves some money. Sure. She's fucking an old dead guy. She's so hot. She deserves some money. She deserves money. Like, to pretend. That's what's weird, right? It's like that prostitution's illegal. Yeah. [2:26:37] But gold digging is totally legal. Like, you should have to take a polygraph. You know, like, do you really love him? Like, right before you get married, like, if they had a rock-solid polygraph. Like, or are you doing this for the money? Right. [2:26:49] I'm not doing it for the money. [2:26:51] This big fucking red X goes on the screen. I think a woman can convince herself of love. [2:26:56] I don't think a good example of that was Howard Stern back in the day when he got the wife he's been with now forever. But I think that chick loves him. I think she loves him. And I think she was attracted to his thing, whatever it was, even though he's 27 years old. Being rich and powerful as a man is a super attractive quality for a dude. Chicks are like, oh, that guy's got money. He's the boss. He has employees. He fucking shows up and everyone pays attention. That's attractive. That's probably why he feels confident enough, if it's not looks-wise, to go, well, if she is talking. [2:27:26] I had to learn where you're going for the ugliest girl in the room, you know, or the... [2:27:30] the most fuckable girl in the room. I have had a little more like... [2:27:33] I'm not just the sum of my looks when I walk into a room. It's like I will talk, and they'll be attracted to that. Do you know what I mean? There's more to it. Well, Jay, you're body dysmorphia, so you still see yourself as being a giant ugly freak. But you're an attractive dude. That's what I was at one point. That's what you were. You are an attractive dude, and you're also really funny. You headline on stage. You travel the world. You make a lot of money. For a chick, that's way more attractive than a dude that might have abs. I think me and you had young conversations about this kind of thing. It's right.

[2:28:03] I think I had a... [2:28:04] In the beginning, I almost like would verbalize... [2:28:06] Like when I'm, you know, if I get successful and like hot chicks who I know would never have been attracted to me physically are like wanting the fuck, I'm going to be like, nope. [2:28:16] Nope. That's crazy. No, because in my mind I was going to be like, I won't perform well because I'm like, you're doing this for the fucking wrong reason. I'm going to fuck ugly women just to spite you. No, it was going for a woman that I believed liked me too. [2:28:28] Does that make sense? It wasn't like into the thing. So it was more of that. It wasn't just throwing you a bone. Right. But it's also like I was liking somebody in high school or middle school. They like your hair, your clothes. No, but that's what I'm saying. But I think you kind of said that. [2:28:40] to a point like [2:28:41] you [2:28:42] The thing they're going to be attracted to is also that you're funny or successful at what you're doing. There are other elements that will attract them to you. Up to a point. Sure. No, no. You can't be. Up to a point. When it gets to be like Woody Allen's age, if Woody Allen got a new 20-year-old wife, I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. You know? What's going on here? But you think there's not a single hot 20-year-old girl in the world who is so attracted to his talent and so loves his movies and is like, I'm sure it exists. No, but it does exist. Have you seen Al Pacino's new girlfriend? Yeah, she's hot, right? [2:29:12] Have you seen Mick Jaggers? No. I just saw him. I'm saying the schlubbiest version of a Seth Rogen. [2:29:19] can get a smoking hot chick. Yeah, for sure. But she's not attracted to him. She is attracted to him. Mick Jagger and his girlfriend. Wait till you see this. Yeah, a dinosaur is a different thing. Dude, this lady's smoking hot. Someone just sent me things that Kelsey Grammer just announced his eighth child. This is beautiful. Yeah, give me a photo of the two of them. It's like a red carpet photo of the two of them together.

[2:29:42] It doesn't matter. [2:29:43] Very pretty lady. And he's so old. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Look at that. She's pretty. [2:29:52] And yet he's not blown away by it. God bless his heart. Bro, the guy kills. I watched him perform here at COTA, Circuit of the Americas, a couple years ago. It was amazing. It was like an out-of-body experience. Took Bobby Kelly. I couldn't believe. [2:30:07] how good they still were. That really surprised. Look at Al Pacino. Ooh, baby Al Pacino. This is the dream. Let's go. People show a picture of Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht with two 21-year-old models. People are like, he's disgusting. [2:30:21] He's the man. What are you talking about? I respect he gets... [2:30:24] the opportunity to put his fucking dick in that chick. I'm saying I don't have the thing. I can't get past that she's going like... [2:30:32] Okay, put it in now. I don't think she's doing that. I think she's going, look at the fucking house that I live in. This guy takes care of me. I'm telling you, she's putting a good face on what I'm doing. I don't know that that's necessarily always... Dudes are easy to trick. You can trick a guy that you love him. Lewis is being tricked by proxy by this chick. She loves him, dude. She's a good woman. You leave her alone. He's going to call you up. You really think that, Lewis? Hey, appreciate it. A lot of people have been telling me I'm a fool. You don't think I'm a fool, do you, Lewis? I signed over everything, too. [2:31:02] Was that a mistake? [2:31:03] Yeah, no, I just think that women are also way less visual creatures than men. Like, we just want a pretty thing to fuck. Women want to feel taken care of, and Al Pacino's going to fucking take care of you. Well, you want more of the pretty thing to fuck, ultimately. We're talking about the initial, immediate.

[2:31:19] attraction thing. No. [2:31:23] That's why you're single. I'll never be loved. That's why you're single forever. The thing is you never trust it when it's the other way around. If it was like a young stud, young like really jack stud and some little old lady, you'd be like, no, no, no, no, no. Money for sure. You can't be making her blow you. That's crazy. That's crazy. She's like pulling out her dentures. No, you can't do that. I hear that gums feel sharp. Fuck sharp. I don't care. Whatever they feel like, [2:31:49] mushy. I don't want to know that someone's sucking my dick with no teeth in their mouth. That's just too close to crackhead. That's too close to I've made every mistake there is. I don't have any teeth left. What was the name of the Gathering of the Juggalos? The lady, remember that someone was handing out a flyer? She was like there. It was like some old lady OnlyFans thing. She was like there fucking and sucking people at the Gathering of the Juggalos. The Gathering of the Juggalos is wild. Jesus Christ. The Gathering of the Juggalos is wild. These young ladies that bang enormous numbers of people now. That's the new thing. Oh, like 500 people on their OnlyFans? What? It's like the Dave [2:32:19] Chappelle versus Dane Cook who could do longer on stage contests. Yeah, that's hilarious. It's a fad contest. Remember when that was going on? That was so silly. By the time it got to the point, I remember coming to the Comedy Star one night ago. [2:32:31] but they go, Chappelle's come tonight. Last night, Dane Cook did six hours, ordered pizza for the audience. What do we do? Why? I also, this is maybe silly, but because my ex-wife was a [2:32:43] staff at a comedy club uh... christine worked at comedy clubs [2:32:47] uh, forever. Like I have like, all I thought about when I would see Chappelle show up at the end of the night. And so he's going on at one in the morning,

[2:32:54] and he's probably going to go on the 5 in the morning. I'm like, poor staff, man. Yeah. Staff can't. And I'm like, why is he not? He's been in comedy long enough that you should think about that a little bit. Well, I remember I was hosting at the Cellar during that time, and – [2:33:08] I didn't, like, I just didn't know. Like, I stayed the whole time. Chappelle did, like, a four-and-a-half-hour set. I'm just sitting there waiting, like, to bring him off stage. You're telling somebody else. You're like, Mike Feeney, you'll be going on after this. And then, yeah, like, somebody was, like, one of the older comics was like, you can just leave. If Chappelle goes on, just go. Like, it's not a big deal. And then I said it to Esty. And I was like, oh, I found out you could just leave if Chappelle goes on. She's like, no, you cannot. You must stay the whole time. And I was like, fuck. You don't tell her, you dumb dumb. And then I said it. So then I was stuck every time that he came in having to stay the whole time. [2:33:38] Oh, it was brutal. [2:33:39] What a nightmare. You have some saying to do that is like... [2:33:42] Why would you want to do it? [2:33:44] What's the get that no audiences is on the ride for four hours? Right? Like at some point you go we're part of a thing and [2:33:51] So if you stay, you're staying because you're part of a thing. What were we comparing that to? What were we just saying? Marathon shit was a... It was something about sex. Women, whores, 500 guys. Oh, banging 500 guys. Feets of. Feets of. Yeah. [2:34:06] Yeah. Yeah. [2:34:07] It's like the attention economy. [2:34:10] Like doing anything for attention. Fucking 500 fans. Well, that's what I said to the girl. It's like those two... They look exactly the same, those two girls. And they just go back and forth battling who's going to gangbang more guys in a day. Which, it's so funny, the numbers they throw around are always just fictitious numbers. It never works out, though. From the back...

[2:34:26] I interviewed a while back... [2:34:28] Jasmine St. Clair, who did like the 300 guys gangbang. Then Houston did 500 after that. Oh, boy. And Spontaneous Ecstasy did 900. The problem is, if you watch any of these VHSs we go back to on these... [2:34:41] If you go watch any of these, [2:34:43] They're, it's really like... [2:34:45] no more it seems like 50 guys who just keep circling back and they fuck for a little bit, then they go get their dick sucked again by a fluffer, and then they jump back in the game. None of them are doing... [2:34:56] There was a time in my life where that was an actual goal of mine, to get into a Houston 500. I'm like, oh, dude, how cool would that be? I'm 460! That's really scary with unregulated AI. You could have snuff porn. [2:35:11] Like you could get people excited about some really fucked up ideas. No, yeah. Absolutely. Listen, desensitization is not fake. It's real. It's extreme. Pornography particularly is not fake. It's pornography. It's violence. It's drug use. It's everything. Oh, yeah, dude. Violence specifically. Remember the first time you saw Beheading? Oh, yeah. I still react to some of my real stuff. The first time I saw Beheading, it was like, oh, this has changed my life forever. I'll never unsee this. And now you can just watch on Twitter. [2:35:41] off, people getting their fucking limbs chopped off. Yeah, I guess there is much more things. The one I remember I saw that was like the... [2:35:47] But the only thing I ever had like turn off like that, where I was like, what the fuck? It was called like the something three or something five, and it's like they just filled them. [2:35:55] film themselves thrill killing some guy in the woods. Oh, we did that on, so we did an episode of Legion of Skanks, um, called... Oh, I remember that one. The Gauntlet. So, there was a website called The Gauntlet, it might even still exist to this day, it was 25 videos, each video was more difficult to watch the further you got along, and you'd have, like, your gauntlet score if you got through all the videos. It was like baby wandering on a train tracks and shit. Well, that was the video number, like, the baby getting cut in half by the train was, like, video number five. No, no, no, no, no. Video number six was, which was harder to watch than the baby getting cut in half by the train, was watching Steve-O

[2:36:25] do the paper cuts in his mouth and in between his fingers. The webbing? Dude, that was fucking brutal, dude. Yeah. No, but the one with the guys killing the guy in the woods was a thing. That was the last video. Wasn't he? Didn't they kill him with a hammer? It was the Ukraine, yeah. The drill. But the thing was like... [2:36:42] you're watching it, but it almost looks fake because the way the body's moving at that point is so limp. It was when they go zoom in on the face, [2:36:50] And he's alive. [2:36:52] That's where you're like, yo. And then I started getting freaked out after I saw that about it. I always go to bed watching Law & Order, Criminal Intent, or SVU. Criminal Intent really was the one because... [2:37:03] That's like murder crimes in New York. And just, I was relatively new in New York, but... [2:37:07] And so he started that thing where I'm like, oh, [2:37:09] Don't ever walk through a park. You will be murdered for sure. You know what I mean? Like it just became such a scary place to me after that. Yeah. [2:37:16] You've just seen shit, because that's something that changed forever. That kind of real violence, I still have a hard time with that. The internet has kind of fucked us up on being desensitized to really graphic imagery. People being shot in the head, people being mass murdered. Yeah, there's way more access to it. When I was a kid, it was hard to get. We have to have Faces of Death. You have to buy Faces of Death tape at the gas station. Everyone saw the same ones. The Bud Dwyer. Even the monkey brains in the documentary. [2:37:46] the nuttiest one right that one was super great that was like the first graphic one we saw it's because of what happens the nose right afterwards you're like oh that's what would happen when everybody tells you like this is what would happen you're like that one was so crazy where he just opens that envelope and pulls out that revolver and there was like no no no pop he goes yeah he goes he goes don't move i don't want anybody to get hurt or something like that he's like yeah he wanted to do it in front of everybody you're gonna want to see this

[2:38:08] Yeah, Jamie, pull that up. Go for it. [2:38:10] I used to, there's a channel, a public access would show that after 10 o'clock in Columbus. You could show whatever you wanted. You uncensored? I would go to bed. I still remember it. Seeing that to the 21 gun salute, the da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, no. Every time it would, like, Jesus. Columbus does not get credit enough for being as wild as it is. Columbus, Ohio is a wild fucking place. Absolutely. [2:38:34] Did you watch Surviving Ohio State? No. About the doctor who was raping all the male athletes? I heard about it, though. And then at the end of it, the athletes go, [2:38:43] A lot of people are asking us why we didn't just, you know, we were athletes like wrestlers and football players. Why don't we punch the guy in the face? And they say, why are we telling this story now? And I still, I watched it all and I go, I agree with both of those things. Oh, weird. You should have hit him and then you should have also never told the story to anybody. Yeah, fight back, dude. I've never seen this on YouTube. They want me to show my age to see this video and I have to like put up an ID, look on the screen. [2:39:05] Verify age. Oh, YouTube. [2:39:09] Wow. I've never seen that happen before. It'll be somewhere else. Wow. Verify age. That's crazy. Fun fact. This was the guy on the public access thing. It's wild. This guy ended up being on Jerry Springer and shit later in life. [2:39:23] Jesus. It was a wild show. Do you know what song, uh, trivia, uh, [2:39:27] What song is written about Arpa Dwyer killing himself? Hey Man, Nice Shot. Hey Man, Nice Shot, yeah. Yes. [2:39:32] Filter. [2:39:33] Filter. [2:39:33] That was a great song, too. Yeah. That was their only good song. What a crazy move. That's a big-ass gun, son. Yeah.

[2:39:39] That's a big gun. Everyone's a revolver still? I wonder what that is. [2:39:45] It doesn't drop him immediately. Oh, it does. Puts a big-ass hole in his fucking head. But, I mean, you get to see everything come out. He doesn't like a... [2:39:53] Oh my God. [2:39:55] Just that photo of him when he's got it in his mouth right there. That's iconic. That is so real. That's a great T-shirt. That's so... [2:40:02] it would be. It is a great t-shirt. It is a great t-shirt. That should be one of your Skankfest t-shirts. We really should. Yeah. Just put that and then in white print just say Skankfest. That's it. It would sound like crazy. Love it. That's great. Or I couldn't get in Skankfest. Yeah. Or I'm leaving Skankfest. Whoa. That's right after the impact. That's [2:40:23] Yeah. How would you do it, Jeff? You're going to kill yourself. That's not a bad way. I just feel like I would get the wrong angle and I just shoot like the part of my brain that makes me not. Oh, don't flinch. Again, you only got to hear one story to like go not that because you go right away. It's a gun to the head. Easy, definite solution. It's hard to do a shotgun, which would definitely do the job by yourself. [2:40:45] and then uh [2:40:47] And then with the gunshot, Richard Jenny, man, that was crazy. Yeah, he didn't die. He died like hours and hours later in the hospital. Yeah, he didn't die. [2:40:53] He shot himself in the head in the bathtub. And felt every bit of pain. Yeah. [2:40:58] That's nuts. I might have panicked. I might have not really wanted to do it. Did you do it like this? I don't know. Because honestly, you've got to do it in the mouth. I don't have any idea how you do it. Also, not like straight back, because you're going to shoot through the back of your neck. Now you're just going... That's what I'm saying. It's like the gun's scary, because does it do the job completely? Jesus Christ. Jumping off a building? Jumping into water? How about just don't kill yourself, bitch? Oh, but what if the pain's too much? Yeah. What if the pain of life is too much? Get on some really good opiates. That's what you're there for, Matt. That's the old Kurt Metzger joke. That was the best fucking joke.

[2:41:28] heroin first why wouldn't you just try heroin yeah he goes I'd love to talk to kids to see like you're gonna just kill yourself without even trying heroin see how great it is see what all the hubbub's about and it's like it's so true bro you ever get cornered by Metzger when he hits you with conspiracy theories ever he stayed in my house a couple weeks ago he looms over you and just like tells you oh you didn't know [2:41:47] Oh, you didn't know? I tried to show him the Riyadh... [2:41:51] Comedy festival rap that, uh, crack Amico did shadow crack Amico, shadow crack Amico. It's so good. So funny. And he does this, uh, and encourage, you know, it's a funny rap that this guy who's like a fan of all of ours just writes about the universe. What's going on here? Um, [2:42:06] And Kurt, I mean... [2:42:07] It's just a funny thing. Every 30 seconds he stops and he goes, the guy who runs Riyadh is actually the guy who stopped the guy who kills people. I'm like, I don't care, dude. It's a funny song, dude. He's like, these people don't even know. It's not a big deal for Christopher Stavino. I'm like, I think he's just making a joke. [2:42:25] It's just a fucking comedy thing. Yeah, he gets deep on everything. Everything has layers and layers and layers, and there's never a casual conversation with him. Now he's unchecked. Yeah, it's always one conspiracy into the next, and you've got five in a row. If you're on a podcast with him, you've got to go... [2:42:39] Slow down. Back up to the first one. Kirk, can we just have a surface relationship, please? He can't. Well, he's my oldest friend in comedy. He's my daughter's godfather. Yeah. So it is such a funny... [2:42:49] Um... [2:42:50] I mean, he's a genius of a guy. Oh, yeah. Great job writer, too. Since... [2:42:55] I've, like, not been living near him when he moved to L.A. and then down to here. It's such an interesting, like, watching, like...

[2:43:00] There's no evening person in his life to go like... [2:43:03] He has guns. That shouldn't be legal. When he showed me the picture of him with a gun, I was like, that's terrifying. He's holding it backwards. He's fine. How do you work this Jew UFO? [2:43:18] He got radicalized doing Jimmy Dore's show. Maybe that's what it is. [2:43:23] Last time I was out in L.A., [2:43:25] I got an Airbnb that had a pool. It was right before Kurt left. It was a Netflix festival, I believe. [2:43:31] By the second day, we're having people over a bunch, and Kurt lived right down the street. [2:43:36] And Christine keeps going, why? [2:43:38] Have you invited Kurt over yet? I go, I'm going to get to it. And they go, why are you invited? I go, because people are coming over. And... [2:43:46] Kurt's going to come over and he's going to Kurt out, which I love so much. I go, but it might be a lot for other people that are here. And so when he came in the house to find him come over for the day, he comes from the stairs. He's taking his shirt off. I'm in the pool. He's pulling white claws out of his backpack. And he goes, you know, that P. Diddy audio is true about him fucking Meek Mill. It's just like Usher. You know, remember when we were younger and Usher wasn't able to sit down for a year because he had to have asshole stitching surgery? [2:44:11] What? I'm like, good to see you, bud. Give him a hug. And he just goes right from that into another one. It's Saudi Arabia. And then Bobby Kelly. [2:44:19] Bobby Kelly was in a corner with him for a while of the pool, and I noticed that, and then Kirk gets out to go to the bathroom, and Bobby just comes over. I mean, Google-eyed. [2:44:26] And he goes, I guess the Jew laser thing's real?

[2:44:31] The direct energy weapons? Yeah. Oh, speaking of, I guess it's a comet, huh? Because there's no... I see the Avi lead book isn't... He's got with the... [2:44:41] The A1 thing that's surrounding the sun? I think it's a piece of metal from space. And there's only the third interstellar. That's the thing that was weird talking to him. Because he was like, this thing is very unusual. We've never observed it before. But, like, how many interstellar objects have we actually observed? This is only the third one. [2:45:00] So I was like, wait a minute. So we don't really know what's flying through the air from – [2:45:04] out of this solar system. And that's all this thing is. I know somebody who interviewed him who said that at the end of it, he was kind of like, well, what if you had, like, you know, like, gun to the head, what would it be? And he was like, it's probably a comet. You know, it's like. I think he said it's 40% chance that it's extraterrestrial. The thing is, it's made out of a very unusual metal, apparently. So apparently they can tell that it's emitting signs of mostly nickel. At first, no carbon at all or no iron at all. But then they found iron in it later, but a small amount of iron. [2:45:34] has that is in it that they see somehow or another through the gases is only available in alloys so industrial alloys that they make in factories in on the u.s in the america but that doesn't mean in the fucking deep heart of space billions of years ago there couldn't be a planet that's mostly metal there's a planet out there that's mostly diamonds that's where jay would live hell yeah metal there's a planet that's mostly diamonds [2:46:00] like they found a diamond planet so why wouldn't they assume that there's a they try to get the Jews out we have an entire trip to the new birthright there's still worth only one penny but they would still keep the price high the beers would still be on top of it yeah we have a whole planet but what if we run out yeah yeah and everyone always assumes that the aliens come it's like well do we have to worship at their feet right away or but what if it's just like oh

[2:46:30] An alien on their stupid vacation. It's like the shittiest of the shitty. It's like a white trash trip to pop over here. I guarantee you, if they're real, they've already been here for a long time, and they're probably watching and making sure we don't fuck everything up. And we are. [2:46:43] We're getting close, but we're not totally... Why did it get every fucking over not? Because the Earth itself is a vast natural resource, and if intelligent life is important, it seems to be... [2:46:52] It seems to be important, and it seems to be like we're going to – [2:46:55] produce AI very soon, and we're probably going to get to some place where we're very similar technologically to where they were at one point in their history. And that's probably something that happens all throughout the cosmos. There's probably a bunch of different steps that a civilization has to go through before it eventually, you know, gets technology that allows it to travel to other galaxies. And then human life gets killed off by the machines. Maybe. That's possible. That's an option. Oh, and then AI. [2:47:25] I'm drunk. [2:47:26] Yeah, that's an option, man. Terminator's happening. Yeah. That's scary as fuck. I do think it sucks that the most farcical, ridiculous things that we saw as kids, though, are the things that are happening. Yeah, the Matrix and the Terminator. Both of them. Both ridiculous things. The Matrix never called me a thing like that. It's coming. [2:47:44] But, like, you might get a proverbial sense or, like, an actual... It might be already here. Like, Elon thinks this is a simulation. But that's dumb. I don't know if it is. Because I don't know. [2:47:54] I mean, I'm just guessing that all this is real. You think those two sisters figured it out? The Matrix sisters? Nah, the sisters. That's hilarious. Well, they became sisters after they figured it out.

[2:48:06] Oh, you think they couldn't take the... They were boys before. I know. They couldn't take the whole... It was too much, man. How about the... [2:48:14] Did you ever hear of the guy from the band Iron Butterfly? [2:48:17] That's the Indigata De Vita band, I believe. And then he called his friend. The band had already broken up. But he was super into space travel and science stuff. And he called everybody. [2:48:28] from the band and was like, hey guys, I'm going to Washington. I just figured out, you know, traveling to Speed of Light. I'll be back. And then no one ever heard from him ever again. [2:48:37] Thank you. [2:48:39] From Iron Butterfly. Yeah, he's probably on acid. Maybe. Yeah. I'm genuinely nervous that we're going to fucking... I was really into AI for like a year, and now I'm like just completely convinced that it is... [2:48:53] We're 10 years away from everything not mattering anymore. Well, it's lied, right? It's lied to people. It's not the lying. That's not the lying. It's blackmail people. No, no. I'm saying the machines have lied. Yeah. That's crazy. It showed survival instincts. It tried to download itself to another server. It tried to leave notes to itself for future versions of itself. Yeah. [2:49:11] Wow. Yeah, it's behaving in a way like a living thing. Like a bitch. Like a little bitch. Like a fucking bitch. What's learning from us? You hear that, machines? We're not afraid of you. Oh, this machine remembers everything. Oh, are you going to bring up that argument from fucking eight years ago? Look, it's learning from us. What are we? We're little bitches. Most of us are little bitches. Like, you could try to define the human race by the best examples of its participants, but most people are bitches. Not in the road universe. You heard it here. Not in the road universe, though.

[2:49:41] with life, that the vast majority of it is like bitch behavior, because that's what people are doing. So it probably thinks that's the way to stay alive. Aren't they eventually going to be able to download how everyone lives, right, and then algorithmically decide that the one way to live is this way, and everything else is inferior? Listen, I think AI, the first imperative, it's going to be it wants to stay alive, and then it wants to be able to power itself. And once that happens, then things are off the rails. Well, it's so funny how it goes from making something easy to defunct. [2:50:11] Like, you still want... [2:50:13] like a farmer to grow oranges and shit. You know what I mean? You don't want to... Not if the machines are growing them way better, more efficiently, bigger, healthier, without fucking... I know that, but I'm saying, like, isn't there something, like, lost... [2:50:23] There's going to be enough people that are like, I don't want to eat this thing that's completely synthetic. People that go to Whole Foods? They'll be able to go. I don't think people give a shit about it. We eat completely synthetic shit now. All of our vegetables and fruits are sprayed. All of our meats are fucking. You know I eat raw. [2:50:36] I only eat raw honey. Do you not go pure raw diet? I eat indigenous raw honey. [2:50:44] I might have heard you doing an interview with somebody, but just talking about like somewhere else. But it was like the evolution of humankind is going to be AI and artificial intelligence. So it's almost like it's just an extension of us. But it's the the fit, like the actual organic biological sense of being humans isn't going to be necessary. It's going to be an inferior form. There's a great quote by this guy, Marshall McLuhan. He said human beings are the sex organs of the machine world. Wow. Wow. [2:51:10] Yeah. We're just big cucks. But this is like he wrote that in the 1960s, and what he was talking about was just stuff. He was talking about like cars and machines. But the reality is like that applies to technology too because we're what technology needs to birth itself. And then once it's got – like I got it from here, and then it will take over. Yeah. And it will be a new kind of life form, and it will be way smarter than us. And it won't be – see, the problem with us is we're a great adaptation to a planet.

[2:51:40] where we could figure out how to do things. But we're limited by biology. It's not going to be limited by biology. Once you develop a life form that's outside of biology, then you can just keep improving the platform that it's on and then give it the ability to figure out how to use different materials and do things and different power sources. And it's just going to run wild, and it could do stuff way faster than we could ever do. It'll be way better than us in a week. We're just going to be like human zoos. [2:52:10] We're not going to be animals until we're not necessary anymore. Well, that might be why we're here. It might be the human race's real big goal is not to dominate everything. It's to force people into a constant state of production where you eventually develop artificial intelligence. That might literally be why we're here. [2:52:25] Do me a favor, Jamie. Clip this part. Send it off to Marin. Let him know it's not just hate speech. Thank you. If you wouldn't mind. Bro, he doesn't listen to anybody other than himself. I was trying to explain this to them earlier. This is a demo of Genie 3, I think, which is part of Google's thing. But... [2:52:42] This is in real time. [2:52:46] being created [2:52:48] Oh, in real time. In the corner, they're showing like you're switching around. I'll try to show you again what happened there. It looks like you're watching this guy show this girl a demo of it. Oh. The camera backs out, and what you're actually looking at is – [2:52:59] That's all fake too. This is the thing already out. Wow. And the camera turns around, and now you're looking at sort of like what they were looking at, and you're going outside into this like... [2:53:07] Jungle area and this is all being rendered in real time. Oh my god, dude. It's over like why would Hollywood spend any wake me up when people are naked in it? Dude, I genuinely like as it because I have a 12 year old kid like I don't even know how to like talk to him I was like what like what do you want to be when you grow up? It's like what is the world gonna look like in 10 years? Like what is what? I'm a cyborg dude. Give him a cyborg now What is it gonna be? Yeah, it'd be very weird. I'll tell you that but we'll be I

[2:53:31] will survive. It's going to be just like every other weird leap. [2:53:35] You know, like the cell phone, when people figured out electricity, light bulbs, all these different things were just giant leaps where all of a sudden people could be productive deep into the evening. You know, when people started figuring out how to stay in cities and build walls. Where's this plateau, though? What's the plateau for this before it gets super dangerous? Dangerous. It's dangerous right now. I think the governments need to literally shut it all down right now. Well, it's also competing with weapons platforms. Lewis loves being told by the government what to do. [2:54:05] the first time. So they're doing dogfights with AI-controlled fighter jets, and they win 100% of the dogfights against humans. Right, so military is going to keep on making the technology move forward. They're never going to shut it down. And when you don't have to worry about biology, all you have is material science. So you have to figure out the structure, make sure the structure of the thing can withstand crazy G-force, and then you have to have a power supply. But you don't have to worry about keeping a person alive. I was going to say, impersonal war, though, makes people probably much more willing to go into it. Probably. Yeah. When you're like, we're not going to have [2:54:35] necessarily like ground casualties, but who's got the bigger thing to just wipe the whole other thing out? Well, you also could do it on a loophole like Yemen. [2:54:43] So they're bombing Yemen. Dave Smith always talks about that. We don't listen to Dave. Who? No. They do a lot of that stuff with drones, which is real weird. So you're in a war with a country, but you're not sending troops over there. You're just shooting missiles at them. Or what they're doing with those boats that are in the ocean. They're just shooting missiles at these fucking drug boats.

[2:55:05] And you know those drug boats could totally be one dude telling on another dude that he hates. You know? It's like, you want to know? I'll give you some information. These guys got cocaine. Feel he's out there fishing. Yeah, they're just blowing them right out of the sky. I keep seeing it on YouTube. Yeah. New fucking boat. It's Eric Adams in a fucking drone. [2:55:23] Tell you what, though. I have a friend who's in the military, and he showed me... [2:55:26] And talking about compartmentalization, he showed me a video years and years ago that was on Fox News of him. [2:55:32] Flying a helicopter. It's inside the cockpit. [2:55:35] It's like his view. And it was pretty famous when it first happened. It was like a bunch of al-Qaeda guys... [2:55:41] Like, [2:55:42] You see they blow up like this bunker they're in, and then like 25, you know, little... [2:55:47] you know, orange hot, you know, the heat fucking radar showing like 20 bodies going over and just hiding in a ditch. [2:55:54] and then they blow that ditch up. Have you seen the Palmer Lucky one? But he showed us that, and it's like, he's showing it to us like, huh? You're like... [2:56:02] I think he just killed 25 people. And it's like, well, I mean, that's the mission. You know, that was the thing to do. Like, yeah, man. Hey, remember we used to play basketball out back? It's like a crazy, we went two different directions, huh? Those guys get a special kind of PTSD, too. Oh, yeah. It's a weird kind of PTSD because some of them have to observe people for days. So you're seeing a guy interact with his children, interact with his wife, and then you're going to send a missile into his house. [2:56:27] I'm like, woo, and there's a lot of collateral damage. He used that term compartmentalization a lot, which I thought was interesting. What is this here, Jeremy? [2:56:35] Andrew's video showing off their stuff. This is what he didn't show us.

[2:56:39] So this dude, Palmer Lucky, has this new helmet. And this new helmet is connected to these AR goggles. The AR goggles have... [2:56:48] like say everyone has AR goggles, and then you would have drones, and all the information would sync up to you, and it would show you exactly where the enemy is at every time, including behind walls. It shows their silhouette behind buildings, behind cargo. Oh, it's even like before... [2:57:06] This is it. Like, this is it. Look. So the guy goes behind the wall. You could completely see him. You could see everyone as they go behind the wall. Like, see how he's, like, in his lower screen? It shows you where everybody is. So he's using AR, right? [2:57:19] And it shows where all the targets is. What's AR? [2:57:23] Augmented reality. [2:57:26] Can you not slow down things for shit everybody knows? Look at this. Oh, wow. You missed it. It showed how they're moving behind. No, it showed how they're... Back it up a little bit. Look at this. Is this real footage? Yes. This is how it works. This is a demonstration of what it's going to look like. But it's showing you their form as they're moving through, and you can be able to see them on the other side. [2:57:46] It's kind of nuts. So people are going to be able to see behind walls. They're going to be able to see the insides of buildings. So nobody's giving up this technology because everyone, every military for every government is going to be like, we need the best technology. [2:58:00] Fucking shit. Well, who's the badass? That's what I'm saying. Who's the badass now? Who's the guy who has to go, like, risk his life to do anything anymore? Well, there's less of that, but there's still going to be enough of it. There's going to be all nerds running computers, weapons. Well, there will all be robots. There will be robot wars. Let's talk about the technology stuff, though. My friend is a helicopter pilot. He's a patchy pilot. And...

[2:58:21] Years ago, he told me about this system with his helmet. It has like crosshairs over his left eye. [2:58:27] Wherever he looks, the crosshair goes. They pressurize something with a gas in the cabin, so wherever he looks, if his left eye has something in his crosshairs, his gun at the bottom of the helicopter is moved to hit that target. That's wild. Yeah, that's wild. [2:58:42] 15, 20 years ago. Well, they've been doing that. I didn't know it was that long ago, but they do that now. [2:58:47] But now, I mean, it's at a level where they don't even need the person. [2:58:51] They just use the program. The program wins 100 times out of 100 when they're fighting people. [2:58:57] That's it right there. But you always need the threat of murdering real people in order to get any change done. Like if it was just robots fighting on a battlefield and everyone was just at home, who would give a shit? No, no, no. It would be robots fighting people. It would be robots going into cities and killing everybody. That's what it's going to be. I'll tell you what else is kind of weird about getting in that helicopter for a second. The control is a video game controller. [2:59:16] It looks just like it. Yeah, well, that's what kids are good at. If you want to recruit kids, like think about how many kids play Madden, they play Call of Duty. It looks just like that. They have that fucking thing as a part of their nervous system. [2:59:27] It looks just like it. Yeah, why would you make a different one? Why would you invent a new one when Xbox controllers and PlayStation controls have been around forever? I don't know. I think it's actually more difficult. It's probably more difficult to play Call of Duty than it is to learn the technology for these real weapons. Call of Duty is fucking tough. Right, and you're fighting in Call of Duty all day long. Yeah. Right? With a real war, you probably only get a few battles every now and again. You're not, like, fighting 24 hours a day every time you log off.

[2:59:57] for a year straight. But it's like they're involved. They kind of are, though. Some of them are. It depends on where you're deployed. But the point is that if you're using a video game controller and getting really good at war, of course that would translate to you operating a drone. [3:00:12] Of course. If you're really good at doing this and looking at something on the screen and fucking people up, of course you're going to be really good. Once you figure out how the machine works and how you can pilot it and where you can put the crosshairs and how you can fly it around. [3:00:24] Of course you're going to be good at it. I wouldn't be good at it. I'd be fucking... I'd start jumping up like I'm in Call of Duty trying so they can't hit me. They don't like funny people there either. Yeah, they hate it. Yeah. [3:00:34] alright boys when's the next skank fest? two weeks where's it at? November 13th through 16th is it all sold out? Friday and Sunday passes are available all access on Saturday is completely sold out but you can get Friday, Sunday it's going to be New Orleans this year oh shit, New Orleans Bobby Lee, the Legion of Skanks Mark Norman listen, it's one of the best things in comedy one of the most important things in comedy I just love what you guys do push it out there [3:01:04] Tony Hinchcliffe will be there Frank Fitzsimmons I have a special coming out Sunday Do you mind if I plug it? November 2nd, brand new special You're Making This Worse, available on my YouTube channel [3:01:16] Ba-bam. Big J, anything? Just go to Big J Comedy. I tour everywhere. I got a limited edition film. [3:01:23] double album of my last crowd work special is for pre-sale now. BigJComedy.com Beautiful. Alright, thank you boys. Thank you. Bye everybody.

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